how does one open a pineapple i have a recipe for which i need to use a proper?!

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lots of different ways.
Try this. Lop off the top spikey part.

Then shave the outside rough peel of the pineapple from top to bottom - a bit like stripping a peel off an orange. You'll need a sharp knife. and a cutting surface.
So once the pineapple is all shaved of all the rough peel, throw the peel away.
Cut the pinapple into slices horizontally, across the belt of the pineapple.
Make the slices an inch thick.
Eat them like that.
In the middle of the slices you'll see a slightly harder "core" of the pineapple. You can eat this, or eat around it, it's got a lot of fibre.

there is a plastic 'coring' toll which is very effective and built just for doing that job. ( lake land I think?) otherwise cut off top where the leaves grow and about an inch or so below ,discard that bit. cut off bottom about an inch and a half from base and throw that away too. this leaves an egg like trunk. ideally do this with it in a wide container such as a short rimmed ( not tall) casserole type dish to collect juices.
you can tip it on side and slice like a cucumber in slices about a half inch to three quarters thick until entire body is sliced.
remove outer skin by cutting it around as you would a cucumber or an orange. throw skin away. this leaves slices that only now have to have centres cut out. use a biscuit cutter of size(s) to suit and press( cut) out centre pith. this needs to be thrown away too.
now all we have left is rings of pure pineapple. we can chop or slice these to suit.
congrats we have what we need. there several other ways of doing this. if you intend to do this regularly do invest in the plastic pineapple peeler and corer. it really works well.

Hey! This is how I cut a pineapple and it works well:

Cut off the stalk (the top), and trim off the bottom. Then carve off all of the side scales, so basically its a big yellow block (there shouldnt be any brown). Cut it in half down the middle, then put the flat sides of the two halves on a cutting board. Then you can cut it as you wish

cut off stalk and bottom end and split in half , remove core and cut into wedges lengthwise , trim off the outside rind and segment or puree as required.

Cut each end off then slice directly down the middle and take the flesh out, easy peasy lemon squeasy! :P

ask spongebob...
i have no clue, use a knife?

Spongebob squarepants