Not to RSVP?!
Answers: Previously the question: "Is it normal these days not to RSVP?" was posted and the best answer said in effect "yes a response is not required". Really? That discussion was closed and so I'm posting my view here. Having pasable spoken french living in Ottawa, Canada, a stone's throw from the french province of Quebec and being around french people most of my life, I will concur that RSVP is the french abbreviation for "répondez s'il vous pla?t" which literally means "respond if you please". The problem is SVP is the french expression for "please" and a literal translation is not accurate. For example to order a coffee (or any polite command), you'd say "Un cafe s'il vous pla?t" which literally translates to "a coffee if you please", but the reality is the effective meaning is "a coffee please", which is a polite command with some urgency. All this to say RSVP effectively means "respond ASAP please". Problem is most people aren't familiar with french or general etiquette. Comments?
I hate to say this, but you asked if it was normal not to RSVP. My clients go in circles because their invitees don't respond and I feel so badly for them because they are giving expensive parties for their guests.
No, it is not normal, it is rude. There is no way to put a nice spin on people who refuse to commit to a polite request from the very people who want to entertain them.
There is even a thought going about nowadays that if a person brings a gift to a wedding reception, they have PAID for their place at the table and if they come without RSVPing the host should not complain because the guest brought a gift!!
I was taught that there is no excuse for bad manners--and I still believe that to this day. Parents can take the time to go to soccer matches, baseball games, ballet classes or just stay at home and bake with their kids--all of these times are opportunities to teach children that manners count. Not teaching them is a lapse that will have future consequences--usually in the family dynamic.
RSVP is a simple thing to teach a child or an adult, but unfortunately, some of them don't get the lesson until THEY are the ones giving a party--and they don't hear from their perspective guests.
I teach an etiquette class to business professionals who ask what RSVP means.
This is a level of people who should know, but don't. What a shame. When I tell them that they are expected to let the host know if they will be present, they are often embarrassed because they didn't do that. Some even admitted that they had actually just showed up and couldn't understand the confusion that was caused by "just trying to find one more chair"! They didn't even understand that they had obligated the host for a meal that the host hadn't counted on! Some wedding reception meals are over $100.00 a plate.
It makes no difference whether people know French or not, here in the States, RSVP still means "Please respond" and that means a regret OR acceptance. Heck, people even make it easy for the miscreants by sending them addressed and stamped response cards! How hard can it be--it isn't, so I just chalk it up to personal laziness and rudeness.
OK, I'm done.
I absolutely agree!! In English, I thought it stood for "Respond so very promptly". I'm sure that's a bastardized translation of something far more formal. But when I add that to an invitation, I hope people respond!! I'm sending out invites tomorrow, in fact, and chose to use RSVP intead of "Regrets Only" because I KNOW no one calls in regrets and you can never get an accurate head count. Etiquette is so murky because people just aren't taught to be appropriate. It's a bit maddening.
I fear manners have gone out the window here in the USA. We are now in the forth generation of divorced women raising children alone. Fifty percent of first marriages now end in divorce. Since women have to work to put food on the table for their families, they have very little time to teach children the old fashion manners that we once enjoyed.
I always understood it as Respond please by what ever date was put. I can't stand when people wait till the last day, I get upset no one is calling then, everyone calls at once, I am having a Vow Renewal ceremony and this is my biggest concern, because I too, have to prepare for the guest whom RSVP, etiquette and just being logical, uhhh, you don't rsvp how are you going to have a plate of food. I always RSVP as soon as I get it and talk to my husband, (one day), and mail it off. My question to U, how do you handle people who don't RSVP for a formal event and show up?
I feel we should let the host know abt. our presence. It makes life sooooo much easy for the host and also saves a lot on the food.
LIVE & LET LIVE
Unfortunately RSVPs don't mean what they used to. At one family wedding we had 9 people show up who said they weren't coming. Good thing the dinner was buffet and the caterer a friend. But it meant we had to squeeze people in because there weren't enough cloths for another table. And with a caterer, you pay a minimum guest count. Guests who don't show up still must be paid for, and with weddings so expensive, it adds up quickly. For some people, it takes throwing a party themselves and seeing how important it is to know how many people are coming to inspire them to respond.
I think most people take "RSVP" to mean "Are you coming or not?" so translating it is irrelevant unless the person is looking for an excuse to be rude or a justification for having been rude. People are just getting busier and less polite in recent years. As you said, they are not familiar with general etiquette. Or they understand RSVP; they simply don't bother. Or worse, they RSVP "yes" then don't show up. People should RSVP to anything whether it is a formal wedding or a night hanging out at a friend's house. An invitation is an invitation.
Somebody grab the handbasket ...
They only time it is not proper to RSVP is when the invitation says "Regrets only" meaning if you aren't coming call, otherwise you should ALWAYS respond one way or the other.
I am getting married in Sept 2008. My fiance and I have already decided to have a table set up, decorated, and pretty, but with no eating utensils or plates. Why? It's for people that decided to come to the reception without RSVPing. They are more than welcome to stay and enjoy the festivies, but at nearly 70.00/plate....we don't have money to throw around "just in case" a few extra people show up. The wedding invitation will have an RSVP card....a return envelope (already addressed)...and a stamp. All the person has to do is check YES or NO (remember the notes you used to pass in 6th grade?), and walk it to the mailbox. It's not difficult.
I expect at least 3 of my relatives (with their own families) to show up at the reception, sans RSVP. GAWD!
Oh just in case anyone is wondering...to RSVP "YES" to a function and then just not show up.....thats bad form as well. Call the host/ess and let them know you will NOT be attending after all.
