Unwelcome guests at my daughter's party.?!
Unwelcome guests at my daughter's party.?
My daughter's 2nd birthday is coming up and (while I know it will be expensive and she won't really care what we do) we are considering having a crab feast and then have "regular" picnic-type food for the non-seafodd eaters (me, for one) because this is one of the only times throughout the year that 90% of our family can get together.
Anyway, crabs are very expensive to buy so I don't want to under/overbuy, but my husband's aunt has ALWAYS brings unexpected (and non family member) guests with her to every single function that we have. I am thinking of putting something like... "Your RSVP would greatly appreciated, and please no party crashers". Would it be considered rude to do so?
Answers:
I don't think it's rude, you are the hostess and you are footing the bill. It's rude of other guests to take it upon themselves by bringing uninvited people along with them to your party. ( If you were having it catered you'd be charged per person.)
It could be because she doesn't want to come alone, so this would solve that problem, have another family member pick her up, let her know in advance that "Auntie, Susan will be picking you up on her way to our house." If she asks if she could bring these unwelcome guests of hers, just tell her "Its a family party so we'd rather you didn't bring anyone but yourself, If you would rather spend the day with your friends, we'd understand." That will show you do not welcome people you didn't invite, in a polite way. Good Luck!
Rather than say crashers, I would say something like, "because this is a family celebration, we'd like to keep this to family only. Thanks for your consideration." You could even hand write this on the offending member's invitation only if you wanted a bit stronger of a message. I would include the RSVP as a separate issue. Unfortunately, there is no foolproof way, short of offense, that you can guarantee that extra people won't come. It's just part of entertaining. If you go too strongly though, the aunt may not come. Make sure your husband is OK with this before you make waves.
Good luck.
Easiest way to do it is to say at the end: Invite only, please RSVP whenever.
and just buy enough crabs for whoever RSVPs. If she brings extra people, say "sorry, I wasn't aware you were coming- "Joan" or whoever didn't tell me you were coming" nice and loudly in earshot of Joan!
One way to handle the Aunt who brings extra uninvited guests is to ask her to bring "X" number of crabs or one of the expensive foods with her. You might want to call and explain that you are having mostly seafood for the party and since seafood tends to be more expensive you are limiting the guest list to family only, but she is welcome to bring guests if she doesn't mind supplying some of the food. (ie crabs, whatever)
Don't invite her.
Or . . . write "Family Event Only - Thank You"
Do something similar to a wedding invitation and address the envelope to "Jane Doe & Guest" then make it clear that "extras" will not be welcome. If this person brings extra persons make it known that you expect them to compensate you for what those people eat. It is your party and you have the right to decide who does and does not attend...especially since you are footing the bill.
DEFINATELY PUT AN RSVP ON INVITATION.
BUT NOT THE PARTY CRASHER PART. INSTEAD, PUT "FAMILY ONLY" EVENT. AND UNDERLINE IT.
When you send your invites out, stipulate how many guests each invited person is allowed to bring. For example "Aunt Mary plus one guest are invited..." That way she knows explicitly how many people she is allowed to bring. And request that guests RSVP so you can plan accordingly.
You and your husband need to speak to her personally. Tell her that you want her to be at the party and you want her to feel welcome but as it is an expense, you are asking that she not bring guests to the party.Don't worry about being rude to her as she was rude to you when she invited people to your party's before.She will either come to the party or not.It is you home,and your expense.You have every right to say who may come and who may not.
Since it's only this one aunt who's throwing off the guest count, you should call her up ahead of time and ask, "Aunt So-and-So, will you and Uncle Joe be able to come to Daughter's birthday party next week? We have to have a really accurate count for this party because we're serving crab."
On all the invites you could ask for an RSVP with "crab" or "other" as entree selections. That way you could get an accurate count of how many crabs you will need.
Good luck!