How do I get my fiance` and future mother-in-law to agree to a buffet dinner?!
How do I get my fiance` and future mother-in-law to agree to a buffet dinner?
My parents are paying for our meal at mine and my fiance`s wedding. I want a buffet, because I see no point in spending so much extra for family style. I don't care if we eat on plastic or china, but they really wanted china...so fine. I truly don't care. But now they want family style, which is $5 extra per head. (our list is 320) It's just dinner! how do i get them to see that it doesnt matter how its all done? its going to be fun no matter what! why pay so much extra for such a miniscule portion of the evening? HELP ME
Answers:
Rule is, whoever is paying gets the say.
Buffets at weddings are so much better. Otherwise, you run into the who shows, who doesn't show, who rsvp'd and didn't. My sons wedding was sit down and it was very tense because the rsvp count didn't match how many showed up.
Tell mom in law to butt out, nicely of course. Tell the fiance that the buffet is what is what and that is that.
Tell them that you can't afford the extra $1600 dollars and if they feel that strongly about it, they can pay for it.
Just tell her that your parents can not afford the extra $5 per person and tell her if it is really that important to her may be she could pay for the extra cost ($1600.00). In my option I think that a family style meal is much more classy than a buffet.
If your parents are paying for the wedding, they should make all the decisions. If your future in-laws want a sit down dinner, then they should contribute.
For the short answer you can't. You mentioned that you don't care twice so assuming you don't care, you can only argue the case towards the extra cost.
I have been married for 25 years and the one thing I have learnt is, politley and calmly give your reasons and then do what your told when it comes to weddings, home decorating and fashion.
The "fun no matter what part" is not even entered into the conversation. Weddings are more special for brides than they are for the grooms. Some women plan their weddings from the time they are 13 years old, so you have to try understand that to them this is the one and only wedding in their lives and it has to be perfect.
Yes it is true that tradtionally whom ever pays for the food gets to choose. Think of your bride and if you can ask her if the both of you can afford to pay for the extra costs. Then play the your parents cannot afford it card.
I think it's very considerate of you to try to watch the costs of your wedding. If your fiance and future mom in law feel that strongly, then they need to pay. I've been to both types of receptions. I liked the buffet much better. People who wanted to eat more could, and less food was wasted. As far as everything else...Best wishes and I hope it turns out ok!
Anne
i really do not think is it important but at the same time is understandable that you will only get married one time and it is not something you do every day !!!
I've always heard it to be whoever is paying for the wedding, gets to choose the menu. However, remember that this is to be the most important day in your life. Do you really want picnic style? Good luck!
I have been to 1 wedding where it was family style and I thought it was wierd, what if everyone at one table likes the chicken but annother table has mainly vegitarians? it just makes things more difficult. At least at a buffet everyone can get as much or as little of what they do want without having to worry about taking more then there fair share and leaving the rest of the table hanging. Try to explain your side with more reasoning then just the money and maybe then they'll see.
If they are paying, why not let them decide? As long as they know your input, but if they are the one signing the check, they should get to pick. Afterall, it will overall make your wedding probably better. People will have a better impression with china and a sit down meal, versus plastic and a buffet. Either would work, but if you can afford it, or rather they can, why not.
Give them the bill! If they agree to pay then they have a say if not then they are just out of luck. Sorry to hear that you are having problems with this I'm sure you have plenty of other things that are more important to worry about than the dinner. Best of luck to you both!
Lay down rules now or you'll be sorry the rest of your marriage. You and your husband are the boss and whomever is paying certainly has a say. Tell the MIL to screw off, she's not paying and it's not what you want so tough luck to her. She'll be running over you your whole life if you let her do it now. She is just used to getting her way and she has to learn that your the boss now and your husband no longer needs to run eveything through 'mommy'. You don't have to be overbearing, be nice but firm and leave no room for argument. "We have decided on this." And make it be final.
Tell your mother inlaw if she wants that then she can pay. Be firm. Or she might be telling you what to do in the future, too!
Let your folks have the family style. You will have varying age groups at your wedding, and sometimes elderly people (and others) can have trouble balancing their food, making their way to the table, etc. If you have children at the reception, it won't be any fun for the parents who have to fend for their kids. Another reason to not have a buffet is that with a buffet there is always a line, and even if they try to organize it by going table by table, someone will invariably cut the line, and the last table will have hurt feelings for being last. I know it sounds petty, but you do want your guests to have nice memories of your wedding, don't you? We had a family style meal (they called it a sit-down buffet), and it worked out very well for everyone.