I come to the realization that i may have an eating disorder?!

Eating disorders stem from feeling out of control, and needing to control something in your life, in order to feel safe or secure. Sometimes perfectionism comes into play as well.

I've experienced both bulimia and anorexia nervosa, and was so underweight my periods stopped altogether for a year. It wasn't until I sought professional help for the underlying issues that I was able to eat normally, gain weight, and resume a normal life. My parents were going through a divorce, and we had just relocated and changed schools. I also had a drive for perfectionism in order to 'buy' my father's approval. In my mind, thin was perfect, and an ounce of fat was a major flaw. Overeating was disgusting to me, even just asking for seconds. Now I see that this thinking was not grounded in reality, and I've been healthy for many years since. Except now I'm way too in love with chocolate. :9

(Please see a mental health professional - you need more calories in order to sustain your health, and they know how to help you. GL)

THere is no shame to an ED.

You MUST reach out, and ask for help. The world may open up to you, it sounds like you've lived in fear so long, I have been anorexic since 12, and then was bulimic for so long it scares me, but had ALWAYS been picky, food issues and body issues.
Please help yourself, reach out, there are ED groupd, free meetings, everything

I have an eating disorder, I am anorexic. I understand your fear; get help. I am in recovery, and it really has helped me eat close to normal. Please seek treatment.

YOU need to see a mental health professional!!

Well it's great that you've realised you've got a problem - that's the first step. You must get help, from your doctor, a school nurse, or a local or online support group. In the meantime, try to focus on these important truths:

1) Food and calories are vital for life and good health. So are carbs. So is fat. People are supposed to eat food - it's good for us. We need it. Read the article below and pay special attention to where it says how many servings of each food type a person should have each day for good nutrition.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutr…

2) Your body is used to surviving on a very small amount of food. Your metabolism has adapted to burn only the calories you give it. That means that when you start suddenly giving it more calories, it will see that as extra energy and it's likely that you will gain a pound or two as your body adapts. You MUSTN'T let a little bit of temporary weight gain put you off eating healthily. As you give your body more and more energy, it will adapt to burn off those extra calories and start functioning normally again. If you gain weight, it'll be temporary, I promise, and you'll be able to lose it easily as you get back to normal.

There's another article here you might find helpful; it gives tips on adding calories and extra nutrition to your diet if you struggle to eat food: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutr…

Returning to normal eating will be difficult, but you will feel so much healthier, stronger and more energised, and your body will be in much better condition.

If you sign up to the webpage I've linked to with the articles, you can get customised nutrition guidelines (free) and there's a really good tracker for monitoring your food intake and nutrients. There are also support groups and special advice for people with eating disorders like you. It's mostly a weightloss site, but there are many there trying to get healthier in general, or gaining weight after an eating disorder, or just trying to get their diets in check. I think you'd find it really helpful. (If you're a teen join www.sparkteens.com instead.)

Best of luck x