How can I not offend my Grandma (again)?!
Answers: Last Christmas my Grandma did all the cooking. Well, we rode to Baltimore for the holidays at Grandmas (We live NC) She knew I was a vegan, but I guess she just blanked. She placed stuffing, ham, deviled eggs and other stuff on my plate. I wouldn't eat it. EVERYTHING she cooked had milk or eggs or meat. I didn't eat anythhing. I wan't going to throw 2 years of vegan away over dinner, so I just sat there and conversed. She thought I was insulting her cooking. I told her I'm vegan and she said if Grandpa was there, I'd eat it. NOT TRUE! We are going back this year and Mom asked if she would make me a vegan mini meal.. She said no, mom said she'd just bring food and grandma got mad. WHAT DO I DO!
I am not vegan, but I am a grandmother. I say, go, take something you can eat and contribute to the meal, like a salad , veggie tray., or your favorite cassarole. Granny doesn't understand. She is equating being vegan to being anorexic or something. She thinks you are starving. Just tell her how healthy you are and eat hardily on your veggies.
You have one of two options. Find a dish that is not made with animal products that your grandma has made and compliment her on that so she does not feel bad or bring your own meal along with you explaining the reason that you did that is not because of her cooking ability, it has to do with your diet preference.
Is there anything there that you can eat? Vegies, greens... anything.. cause I mean.. its better than nothing. Sometimes older family members don't understand and are too set in their ways...
And...
?āū?ē ?ūī?ī?ē ?ō? ??.?ēā?? ?... Thats an awful idea.. When you become vegan you do it for a reason.. and being vegan for 2 years is not worth throwing away for any reason. Its your choice and your life style.. (and to add... If you are vegan and you stop being vegan cause you girlfriend thinks your being picky.. means either A you aren't vegan or you are vegan for the wrong reasons. If you are eating meat for any reason makes you not a vegan.. so don't imply that you are)
Just eat those things you can... and FIX YOUR OWN PLATE..
Well if thats her menu I guess you are screwed so to speak.. I don't know what to tell you.. I do think bring your own food is going to offend her more than you not eating.. you can say you have a stomach ache.. something.. Its difficult cause you don't want to hurt her feelings but and the same time stick to your beliefs.
Look, you have to realize that the vegan lifestyle is going to be difficult for older folks to understand...its not something they think about. I expect that one of the ways your grandmother conveys love is to cook for you(its a grandma thing!) Can you get there early enough to prepare something everyone would enjoy that you can also east? Ifyou could then its an activity you can do with your Grandmother. Then let her know that you love her and you know she loves you too in spite of the food issue. Also its really really hard to make all the things that go into a regular standard issue Holiday meal and then have food restrictions that have to figured in and still make it agreeable to all...its hard, and your the odd man out! So remember its about the people your spending time with not the food, and let them know that too.
Maybe you could bend your rules a little. Maybe this once you could go vegetarian and not vegan. It is a compromise, I realize, but perhaps for the sake of harmony you could compromise this one day of the year. If not, perhaps it would be better not to go. Maybe you could excuse yourself due to illness or something. You could always say you don't want to take a chance on getting the others sick.
you seem a very loving healthy person call your grandmother and tell her how much you love her first then tell her why you are a vegan, first because it will help you to live a long life 2nd it is your chocie of how you eat, but please tell your grandmother how good her cooking is and if you were not vegan you would love to eat everythings she cooks. ps. take her a special gift maybe some tofu
In your situation, I would have done the same thing.
Honestly, you can't do anything in this situation without offending your grandma. She has it set in her mind that you are trying to insult her, and no matter what you do, she will be offended.
This year, I would go ahead and bring your own plate. Even if your grandma might get mad (and most likely will), at least you can share a meal with your family without putting the extra strain of cooking a separate vegan meal.
If she gets too cantankerous, remind her that Christmas isn't about food, it's about family and faith. You really can't argue against that.
You know, it's her problem that she refuses to understand that you live by a different ethical code than she does. The world moves on and it is her place to move with it.
That being said, ask yourself, if she died tomorrow, would you regret your refusal to eat dinner?
This isn't a judgment of you. I WILL NOT say grace, nor bow my head. I will postpone eating till they are done. I WILL NOT pray for anyone, nor will I pretend that I believe in Jesus to keep my family from worrying about my ticket to Hell.
I can sleep with myself being this way. It is key to who I am, and I will not change for anyone. Do feel as strongly about your vegan beliefs? If you do, then it isn't a problem that Grandma is offended. You two may be at an impasse and your relationship is over.
I have burned most my family bridges with my beliefs, and I am happier for it.
I think we might be related 'cause this is what I go through. I have been on a diet that I am not to eat white flour. I got tired of explaining and trying to give the reasons why. To make it simple for everyone and not to offend, I stated I was on my diet for health reasons and took my own food. If you were allergic to peanuts, I'm sure they would be understanding. If you have chosen this diet for you, then you won't be lying because you feel it would be healthier for you, right? And say no more. I know we shouldn't have to jump through hoops but it eliminated alot of explaining and hurt feelings.
OK from grandma point of view you insulted her big time and I mean BIG TIME. In your grandma’s day, you ate what your host put in front of you, no matter what. So from her point of view you lacked common decency, it was like you walked into her house pulled down your pants and took a dump in her living room. But I think you realized that.
Now what to do, you could insult her again or you could find out when dinner is being served and arrived after dinner, enlist mom’s help so grandma doesn’t fix a plate for you, tell grandma that you can’t make it for dinner you promised a friend that you would have dinner at their house and you couldn’t break a promise to have dinner with them.
Or insist on bring some food over, bring lots, tell grandma she works too hard and you wouldn’t be a good guest. Try ‘It’s not fair to you grandma for you to do all the work, the least you can do is let me help’ how can she refuse. Then bring a lot of food over, dish up your own plate, take some of grandma’s food, as small of a portion as you can get by with, cut it into small pieces on your plate, move it around as you eat, then as soon as you’re full, get up quickly and take the plate into the kitchen and dump what you can’t eat. The ‘Let me get the plate’s grandma you did too much already’ you’ll have to collect and probably wash all the dishes but if you do it right grandma probably won’t notice, especially if you get your mom to help.
Good luck
EDIT
One more thought, you should dish up and serve your grandma’s plate to her, ‘Please sit down grandma I’ll get that for you.’ The more you do the less likely you’ll wind up with a plate full of food you can’t eat.
mayb u can make some food that u can eat but make enough for everyone so that u r contributing to the meal and u can eat it.
~S
Don't bring your own food since your grandma got mad. Maybe she will have a plain vegetable there. You can eat before you go find one or two things that's vegan such as a plain vegetable or something and also fill up on appetizers. I'm not sure what else to tell you
It's incredibly rude of her to get mad when you try to be less of a burden on her and bring your own food.
Either bring your own anyway and try to deal with her, or don't bring any, eat what you can find if anything, and tell her you were respecting her wishes. Then eat afterwards.
How old are you? That makes a big difference, as well.
Disregard Richard's suggestion. Pretending to eat it only encourages omnis to believe that we're all wishy washy. Stand firm in your beliefs and decline politely.
Does she put out a vegetable tray at all?
I can understand what you're going through even though I've never been vegan. When I was younger, I was very fitness conscious and had an extremely strict diet. (I was a weight lifter, and trained for 4 hours a day.) I hated going to family dinners and looking around at all the food and thinking, I can't eat any of this.
I would usually attack the raw veggie tray and eat one or two bites of other things. My grandmother was offended, but she also thought that I had an eating disorder. It took years to convince her otherwise. I'd say you should bring one dish that you can eat and share with the whole family. Tell them it's your favorite vegan recipe and you really wanted to share it with all of them on the holidays.
Otherwise, it might be easier to show up after dinner to avoid any trouble. Good luck with whatever you decide, and I hope it goes well for you.
shes a *****
Sometimes its best just to eat it, your grandma must of took a long while to cook a dinner and you can't blame her if she did make a meat dinner.
Or she also has the mentality of food is food, its suppose to be eaten and not to be picky. Im also a vegan and I have to eat meat with my girlfriend because she gets sad when I get picky.
I think that you need to understand that your grandmother goes to alot of work to put the Holiday meal together. This may not be the best time to try to inforce your meal preferrences on her. Being a very young person, chances are that she doesn't take your claim to being a vegan anything more than being a picky eater. It's just how it is with older people. You need to be more grown up about the whole matter, and try to be a little more grateful for everything she is doing. I think if you stick with the vegetables that are on the table and get through those even with the dairy she may have added to these dishes, you will be fine. You need to be thoughtful as well, and do it just for the Holidays.