Extended family not supporting our vegan life style?!
HOWEVER other than the whole conflict with the vegan thing, they are WONDERFUL grandparents and parents, they really do love our children and us... they just don't know how to let us make this choice for ourselves. This is the ONLY area in our lives in which they see the need to constantly disrespect.
Has any one else had to deal with this? How did you get past the negative attitude?
Answers: My husband and I have been vegetarians for a while but recently made the choice to go vegan. We also came to the decision to feed our children a vegan diet. Before doing that we had them on a vegetarian diet, which for the last 3 years has NOT gone over well with the in laws. Not only our my in laws disrespectful about it but they constantly shove reading material that talks about the "negative" effects of being a vegan. They tell my husband and I that we are bad parents for "doing this" to our children, and WORSE they feed our kids a non veg diet when they are over at their house!
HOWEVER other than the whole conflict with the vegan thing, they are WONDERFUL grandparents and parents, they really do love our children and us... they just don't know how to let us make this choice for ourselves. This is the ONLY area in our lives in which they see the need to constantly disrespect.
Has any one else had to deal with this? How did you get past the negative attitude?
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. Parents have a right and a responsibility to raise their kids with the values and beliefs they cherish. Other people involved with the children - family members, teachers, babysitters, etc. - are obliged to respect these convictions, even if they don't personally subscribe to them. Doing otherwise betrays an unspoken trust and can destroy relationships. Maybe you need to make it very clear to your in-laws that regardless of whether they agree with veganism, this is the path that your family has chosen to take. If they can't respect that and even refuse to serve your kids the vegan foods that you have prepared for them, I would think about curbing your interactions with your in-laws somewhat. Maybe only allow them to be with your kids when you can be there to supervise.... for instance, invite them over to dinner so that you'll have control over the food that's being served. Give it some more time -- they might need more time to adjust to your new diet. But if in several months or so they're still calling you "bad parents", I'd seriously think about whether you want that kind of negativity in your life. Having to cut them off would be unfortunate, but sometimes people's actions leave you with little choice. Hope this helps and good luck!
It's hard for some people to overcome their mental block regarding vegetarianism and veganism. The best you can do is ask them to agree to disagree and show you the respect you deserve about the choices you've made. You can't expect them to feed your kids a special diet when they're at their house unless you provide it. Best of luck.
Edit: I think, given that you send food for your kids and they don't give it to them, that I would stop letting them go if a meal is involved. In other words, if your in-laws ask if the g-kids can spend the night, say okay as long as they pick them up after dinner and drop them back at home before breakfast. Kinda harsh- but you may need to lay down the law at this point.
I suggest maybe sitting them down & having a talk with them. Just have a little chat with them. Let them know the reason behind your doing, and why you want it to be like that, and why you want it to be like that on a continuing basis. Good luck!
sounds like they are old school meat eaters. I myself find nothing tastier than a good steak. But if you wanna eat all veggies, good for you. You will probably live a long life. As for your children they will at some point be old enough to make their own decisions.
I have to agree, even being a meat eater that I am, that perhaps the consumption of animal proteins has a tendency to make people heavier, adding artery clogging fats to your system. I just love meat.
For those who are less carnivorous than I, have a bean sprout. I wont listen to you about how bad meat is. You dont have to listen to me about how bad it is to not eat meat. I think your logic wins but give me a burger instead of a salad any time.
Dont let it bother you. I dont think your kids will starve so keep doing what you believe is right. As long as you have a healthy diet with some protein intake your good.
I have the same problem with my family . My whole family does not support me to go become vegetarian and they keep showing negative effects of being vegetarian even though those datas were mostly old and out date. Either being meat eater, vegetarian or vegan ,there are always negative effect. You could get sick from being vegetarian but that does not mean you can not get sick from being meat eater isn't it?
Just be keen to your points and do not lets the fight go off. I believe that one day your laws will finally understand you. You are ur children's mother and you know what is the best for your children.
sounds like they dont quite understand what your doing - that your doing it for a cause.
your helping others - which is more than i can say for them!
i guess they think their helping you - but they dont think about all the animals that die every year.
maybe you should show them a real video about life as a pig or chicken.
sometimes, things can be learnt only through experience.
As soon as you got married and as long as your are alive, the grandparents have no or very limited rights over the children. But since they are the kids grandparents, it helps to talk it out with them. Since they are family aftereall, you explain,reason out but never condescend or lecture. You have to understand the generation in which the grannies belong. They were raised in another way and were taught that this was the right thing. Seeing something opposite of that is very very difficult for them to understand ot accept. But I am quite certain that in the end,common sense among all parties will prevail. But make it clear that while they may not like it but they do have to accept it. Otherwise, they may have to kiss the grandkids goodbye for awhile or at the very least no unsupervised visits.
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Quite honestly, it depend son the in-laws. Are they genuinely ill-informed, or are they just bent on harassing you about it? If it's the former, you have on your side every single scientific study done on how much HEALTHIER veganism is to "shove" back at them. If it's the latter, I can't really suggest anything but to refuse to allow them to see the children. Maybe that sounds drastic, but it'd be no different if they were indoctrinating the children into a religion behind the backs of you and your husband. The children will grow up confused by the conflict, and all the more likely to suffer the health consequences of the SAD (Std. American Diet) Quite simply, if they can't be trusted to follow the guidelines you and your husband set forth for YOUR family, then they have forfeited their visiting time with them.
You don't mention the ages of your children. And I hope that there are a lot of beans in their diet. Kids need tons of protein for growing good bones, teeth, "innards", and especially "BRAINS!!!!!" Have you ever even read the negative articles about the effects of a vegan diet on children? To be for warned is to be for armed. Of course they have a negative attitude towards this lifestyle. It is totally not the norm for most families. Give them a break--they are great parents/grandparents--and they have lived a lot longer than you have and raised their children on a regular diet, so why are you so up in arms about their attitude. Please read all the material you can get your hands on about this vegan lifestyle, and if there is anything at all detrimental towards your little ones, please rethink their diets. After all, you, at their ages, certainly fared well and grew well to be the adults that you are today.
Don't get into the power struggle. Do what you want to do at home, and let them feed your kids what they will at their house. Ain't no one gonna die. The less you make of it, the better everyone will get along.