Some advice...?!
Answers: My husbands aunt and uncle have a vacation home it a very beautiful natural setting in the mountains. They know that I love to hike and camp. They are very nice and always talk about how we should go there. The problem is that the uncle is an avid hunter and I am a vegan. He even wears shirts that poke fun at vegetarians. I have anxiety about going because I know I will be deeply disturbed to see him him drag back a dead animal to the house. It is hard for me to even listen to his talk about his hunting expeditions. I know he won't understand the reason I don't want to go. Should I be honest about my reasons or just avoid going?
I would certainly be honest and tell him exactly what you think and why you have reservations about going. Yours is a legitimate problem, and anyone who genuinely cared about your feelings and your comfort as a friend and human being would refrain from making fun of you and telling disturbing stories and dragging dead animals around. Anything less is just disrespectful and insulting; it's hardly a sacrifice in life to refrain from hunting one weekend at your private cabin.
People don't get free rein to knowingly hurt others - after being told and made aware that they're hurting others - just because they think they're "joking" and just because you're in the minority. Rather than keeping quiet, you have as much of a right to express your own beliefs and tell your own "stories" as this guy does. He's not the only one worthy of air time. Don't let someone silence you just because, as a woman (and perhaps a minority vegan), you're supposed to be polite.
Don't feel bad for your beliefs. A person who respects you would not take joy in making you uncomfortable.
personally I think you would be better going and showing the postive side of being a vegan by accepting his choices and showing an alternative view by quietly getting on with your enjoyment of the holiday without hunting.
Without you there, he has no chance of seeing you as a postive role model for vegans
It might be tough on you, but the greater good might be worth it.
I mix with beef and dairy farmers all the time, they realise I'm not an odd-ball-hippie. I just have different view to them and they respect that. I think thats far better than burying my head in the sand or protesting outside KFC.
I think I've earned far more respect by picking up a few dead sheep rather than crying in the corner.
Best of luck with it. No matter what your views, don't make yourself ill over worry. If you really can't face it, don't go. It doesn't have to be a test for you, it doesn't make you any "more" a vegan or "less" family member either way.
You could be out hiking most of the stay, concentrate on that maybe ?
He doesn't hunt trolls does he? Oh well, just asking.
I wouldn't go and I wouldn't tell them why, because it will only upset them. I think honesty is the best policy only when it doesn't harm anyone. If he doesn't respect you enough to not go hunting or wear something inappropriate while you visit, then that is a good reason not to visit.
Wow, that's a tough situation... I'm not sure what I'd do. I would probably make excuses and hide my real reasons to avoid causing a rift in the family. As you said, they wouldn't understand your reasons anyway and would probably feel insulted, like you're criticizing them.
How often do you talk to them? It shouldn't be problematic to keep making excuses if you only talk to them once in awhile... But if it's often and they keep asking over and over, maybe you could talk privately with the aunt and explain that you can't stand to see animals who have been killed.
Michael H does have a good point... if you think you can handle it, you could go and try to set a good example... show him that vegans are regular people, not hippies.
Good luck.
i would tell him that you would love to go so long as the trip that you join him on doesn't involve hunting. let him know that you would have a great time hiking and camping with him and you would hate if anything came between the three of you having a fun filled trip together. if he still chooses to hunt while you are there, ask him to call ahead and warn you when he is on his way home so that you can find another activity to do during that time. my dad hunts and we have found that simply avoiding each other during that time keeps from a lot of unnecessary stress and anger between us. just because you disagree doesn't mean you can't have a great trip, you will just have to both be respectful of each other's choices.
I wouldn't go- I would find such a "vacation" stressful and offensive. I also wouldn't be honest about my reasons for not going- why alienate a family member? Use work as an excuse, or allergies, or a dentist appointment, whatever.
Maybe they wouldn't mind if you and your husband went up there alone for a getaway weekend...
Tough situation, I agree. Is it possible to arrange to use the cabin at a time when your aunt- and uncle-in-law aren't using it?
If it were me (and there was no getting out of it), I'd go anyways and make the best of the time. You could tactfully ask when DH's uncle plans to be hunting & arriving home, and plan day-long treks away from the cabin at those times.
Best of luck!
If I were like you and couldn't face going then I'd be honest about it. If he wears those t shirts then he's the one who's 'attacking' (albeit in a light hearted way) your beliefs. It's one thing to not agree with things but it's another to deliberately try and insult people. Just tell them that while you appreciate the offer you wouldn't feel comfortable staying in that kind of environment.
Personally I would go. While I would never even think of hunting myself, I don't have much of a problem if others do so. In fact I have more of a problem with people buying prepackaged meat from the supermarket... not only are they completely removing themselves from how that meat came to be there but chances are, the animal that the meat belonged to lived a miserable life. I see hunting as more natural... the animal's lived a good life and then been killed by a predator, probably in a more painless way then if it were say, to be chased by another animal and killed slowly. I'm not saying I agree with hunting but if I can eat in a house that buys prepackaged meat then I could also eat in a house that hunted meat.
I understand how you feel. I am a long-time vegan, and one of my best friend's goes fishing. Because he cares about me, he never fishes when we go camping, canoeing, etc. It's a matter of respect. Maybe you could personally talk to the uncle, in a very patient way, that you would love to spend time with them at their beautiful cabin, but could he just not hunt while you are there. If he is as nice as you say, he will respect you.
bring your own food....plan on collecting a lot of wild herbs and such....realize that hunting is a way of life that people have done for years...the covered wagons that came across the country, etc..practice patience....
and the hunting is of a natural animal that is used as food...it has no hormones, pesticides, chemicals so it is a healthier item that is available in the grocery stores...
I personally would not go, as i wouldn't enjoy it not matter how beautiful the setting was, as the sight of him dragging back a dead animal would be really distressing.
I think you should talk to you aunt and uncle and explain your reasons why and hope they understand, there's nothing you can do if they don't, just accept that you both have very different views on hunting.
Make your decision and tell them as soon as possible then you can put it out of your mind and relax!
You can only follow your instincts in this matter. If you feel uncomfortable with the thought that there will be an instance that will make you uncomfortable spare your Uncle from the fact that his action will forever change your relationship.
Let him know your position and if he teases you let him know your feelings.
I think you should go, you never know, he might treat you to a lovely steak dinner
seven thumbs down?!! Cant you people take a ******* joke?