Fellow Vegans/Vegetarians: My husband still eats meat--how to deal?!
I have been vegan for almost a year now, and I have never pushed veganism on my husband!. I only talk about being vegan if he asks (which he often does)!. As a result of all of his questions, he is now fully aware of what goes on behind the scenes of the meat and dairy industry!. Even with this knowledge, he still chooses to eat meat!. At first it didn’t bother me as much, but now it is really starting to get to me!. I asked him about it last week, and he just shrugged and said “meat tastes good!.” I don’t understand how he can be so cruel, selfish, and insensitive!
Has anyone else been through anything similar!? Please help! I am started to resent him because of the fact that he is causing animals to suffer just because they “taste good!” I have been cooking delicious vegan meals but he still seems to want a chicken leg to go with it every time…!.!.ugh…!.
Please do not respond to this question if you are just going to tell me something like “we need meat” or “I’m a carnivore”…!.!.thank you!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Has anyone else been through anything similar!? Please help! I am started to resent him because of the fact that he is causing animals to suffer just because they “taste good!” I have been cooking delicious vegan meals but he still seems to want a chicken leg to go with it every time…!.!.ugh…!.
Please do not respond to this question if you are just going to tell me something like “we need meat” or “I’m a carnivore”…!.!.thank you!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Answers:
I don't really have an answer for you but reading the other contributions people have made I just wanted to let you know that I sympathise!.
What many people don't realise is that when someone becomes vegan their eyes are (figuratively) opened to see the world in a very different way!. Yes: before we became vegan, we knew that animals died to give us the meat on our plates but there is a difference between that and making the conscious connection that your consuming those products is supporting the systematic exploitation of other sentient beings!. How else can we explain the common reaction of omnivores when we start talking about where their food comes from!.!.!. "ewww, not while I'm eating!"!. Sure, omnivores know!.!.!. but they don't see the act of eating meat in the same way we do!. Sometimes this is because they are yet to make the connection we once made, sometimes this is because they genuinely do not care and nothing we can say will change this!.
I have not yet been through this situation myself!. I have dated omnivores but I am in the lucky position of having been vegan from the beginning of all but one of these relationships!.
I will date meat eaters and vegetarians but, after a while, to be honest if they haven't understood the ethical and moral stance I have on animal rights and veganism!.!.!. then I can't really see the relationship going anywhere!. This is not to say that I systematically try and "convert" my partners!. For them to change who they are because they want to please me would be meaningless!. What I want (and I assume you feel the same) is for my partner to have a similar outlook on the world as I do!. Just as I presume many people here would refuse to have a long-term relationship with a racist or sexist, I feel just as uncomfortable sharing my life with a speciesist!.
Aside from the desire for my life-partner to share similar core beliefs to me, there are also practical issues to be aware of!. Living together can be tricky, are you willing to cook meat for your husband!? let meat be kept in the house!?
The possibility of having children (I have no idea if this applies to you) can complicate things even further!. If I have children they will be raised vegan!. Of course, if they later decide to eat meat then that is their decision but, just like any other parent, I would try and instill in them values that I believe to be important!.
I just can't see myself raising a child with someone who doesn't "get" this!.
I think you need to take a step back from the situation (I know this is hard)!. Try to remember why you fell in love with your husband in the first place!. Take the diet/lifestyle issue out of the equation for a moment and consider what your life would be like without your husband!. Are there other issues you have in your marriage that are causing problems or is it only your veganism!?
My mother has been a vegetarian since she met my father!. He sounds the same as your husband!. He knows about the suffering that animals go through, but can not go a meal without cooking some kind of flesh to go on the side!. My mother has never tried to push her views on her husband either!. She does, after 21 years of marriage, still hope that one day he will "see the light" but she decided a long time ago that despite their differences, she loved him too much to leave him because of this matter!.
If it was me, I would not have married a man whose principles were so different from my own!. That said, love is a fickle thing and who know what the future holds :)
also, you are in a slightly different position in that you are already married to your husband and your views have changed dramatically since you first met each other!.
Sorry this isn't much help and has turned into a huge essay! I hope this helps a little if only to let you know that you are not alone!. I and many other vegans struggle with the problem of our partners not sharing our beliefs!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
What many people don't realise is that when someone becomes vegan their eyes are (figuratively) opened to see the world in a very different way!. Yes: before we became vegan, we knew that animals died to give us the meat on our plates but there is a difference between that and making the conscious connection that your consuming those products is supporting the systematic exploitation of other sentient beings!. How else can we explain the common reaction of omnivores when we start talking about where their food comes from!.!.!. "ewww, not while I'm eating!"!. Sure, omnivores know!.!.!. but they don't see the act of eating meat in the same way we do!. Sometimes this is because they are yet to make the connection we once made, sometimes this is because they genuinely do not care and nothing we can say will change this!.
I have not yet been through this situation myself!. I have dated omnivores but I am in the lucky position of having been vegan from the beginning of all but one of these relationships!.
I will date meat eaters and vegetarians but, after a while, to be honest if they haven't understood the ethical and moral stance I have on animal rights and veganism!.!.!. then I can't really see the relationship going anywhere!. This is not to say that I systematically try and "convert" my partners!. For them to change who they are because they want to please me would be meaningless!. What I want (and I assume you feel the same) is for my partner to have a similar outlook on the world as I do!. Just as I presume many people here would refuse to have a long-term relationship with a racist or sexist, I feel just as uncomfortable sharing my life with a speciesist!.
Aside from the desire for my life-partner to share similar core beliefs to me, there are also practical issues to be aware of!. Living together can be tricky, are you willing to cook meat for your husband!? let meat be kept in the house!?
The possibility of having children (I have no idea if this applies to you) can complicate things even further!. If I have children they will be raised vegan!. Of course, if they later decide to eat meat then that is their decision but, just like any other parent, I would try and instill in them values that I believe to be important!.
I just can't see myself raising a child with someone who doesn't "get" this!.
I think you need to take a step back from the situation (I know this is hard)!. Try to remember why you fell in love with your husband in the first place!. Take the diet/lifestyle issue out of the equation for a moment and consider what your life would be like without your husband!. Are there other issues you have in your marriage that are causing problems or is it only your veganism!?
My mother has been a vegetarian since she met my father!. He sounds the same as your husband!. He knows about the suffering that animals go through, but can not go a meal without cooking some kind of flesh to go on the side!. My mother has never tried to push her views on her husband either!. She does, after 21 years of marriage, still hope that one day he will "see the light" but she decided a long time ago that despite their differences, she loved him too much to leave him because of this matter!.
If it was me, I would not have married a man whose principles were so different from my own!. That said, love is a fickle thing and who know what the future holds :)
also, you are in a slightly different position in that you are already married to your husband and your views have changed dramatically since you first met each other!.
Sorry this isn't much help and has turned into a huge essay! I hope this helps a little if only to let you know that you are not alone!. I and many other vegans struggle with the problem of our partners not sharing our beliefs!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Most of us folks who chose to eat meat don't see ourselves as cruel and causing the needless suffering of animals!. There isn't much a vegetarian/vegan can say to make us change our minds!. It's really a personal choice and if this issue is causing you resentment towards him - this might be a sign that other things are wrong with your marriage and not just the meat issue!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
It's unfair of you to want to change your husband!. You are absolutely entitled to your point of view, but equally so is he!. He's not trying to change your diet, so why should you change his!? If you have a problem with cooking him meat, have him cook his own meat to go with meals!. But don't try to force your ideologies on to him - good relationships require compromise, and veganism is not for everyone!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
If your veganism is more important than your marriage, if you resent him that much for not changing his life to suit you !.!.!. you really need a divorce from the cruel, selfish, insensitive clod!.
Or you need counseling to get you over your immature expectation that everyone in the world should change to suit what you think is the right way to live!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Or you need counseling to get you over your immature expectation that everyone in the world should change to suit what you think is the right way to live!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
So, as I understand it, you are beginning to resent your husband for being the man you knew he was when you married him!. He went from being the man of your dreams to a cruel human being by changing not one bit!.
From where I sit, you have no legitimate "beef"!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
From where I sit, you have no legitimate "beef"!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
You sound a bit unglued!.!.!.!.
Seriously!.!.!.
Don't forget that you TOO once ate meat!.!.!.!.
Don't be naive lady!.!.!.!. you absolutely KNEW that animals were killed to get that meat!.!.!.!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Seriously!.!.!.
Don't forget that you TOO once ate meat!.!.!.!.
Don't be naive lady!.!.!.!. you absolutely KNEW that animals were killed to get that meat!.!.!.!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
switching your diet like that is very difficult!. personally i couldn't live a couple days w/o meat!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
I am not a vegan but I am a vegetarian and I think the best way to answer your question is that knowing how animals are processed is fairly new in our society (I bet had you not known you would not have been a vegan today!. !. !.), we were originally "made/created" to be carnivores by nature, this will never change even though our thoughts and opinions may about the subject!.
Bottom line is that if your husband wants to eat meat, let him but at least have him buy kosher meat so that you can have peace of mind that that animal was not tortured in the process!.
People have no problem with me not eating meat/poultry and I do not push my choices upon them!. I make 2 meals if I have to for the meat eaters in my life (again kosher though!)Www@FoodAQ@Com
Bottom line is that if your husband wants to eat meat, let him but at least have him buy kosher meat so that you can have peace of mind that that animal was not tortured in the process!.
People have no problem with me not eating meat/poultry and I do not push my choices upon them!. I make 2 meals if I have to for the meat eaters in my life (again kosher though!)Www@FoodAQ@Com
Most people who are omnivores know what goes into the production of meat!. Just because you "discovered" what goes into the process doesn't mean that he didn't know, and he's not going to change just because you want him to!.
Discovering Cola contributes to the killing of babies is a huge revelation, but discovering that meat must be killed is not a huge revelation!. He and you knew that when you got married!. How cruel it may be varies, and he chooses to think that's more like the happy farm version, just like some lacto-veg choose to believe that the majority of cheese is from microbial rennet instead of animal rennet!. (both exist, but how persistent one is to making sure that all food is from that source depends on the person!.)
Eating meat is ingrained in him, and nagging him will make him resentful and more stubborn to stick to it!. You have made vegan meals for him, but did you do it suddenly, or did you gradually reduce!? If it's gradual, he won't notice for a long time that the meals are vegan!. If you flipped the switch, he'll crave meat!.
What you can do:
1!. Like I said, gradual in reduction
2!. State that you will not make meat meals, he has to get it from outside
3!. Refuse to kiss him until he at least brushes teeth!. and had a vegan meal as the last meal (what if he burps and it's chicken flavored!? ewwww) Sexploitation, but it may work!.
FWIW: I'm a lacto-vegetarian!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Discovering Cola contributes to the killing of babies is a huge revelation, but discovering that meat must be killed is not a huge revelation!. He and you knew that when you got married!. How cruel it may be varies, and he chooses to think that's more like the happy farm version, just like some lacto-veg choose to believe that the majority of cheese is from microbial rennet instead of animal rennet!. (both exist, but how persistent one is to making sure that all food is from that source depends on the person!.)
Eating meat is ingrained in him, and nagging him will make him resentful and more stubborn to stick to it!. You have made vegan meals for him, but did you do it suddenly, or did you gradually reduce!? If it's gradual, he won't notice for a long time that the meals are vegan!. If you flipped the switch, he'll crave meat!.
What you can do:
1!. Like I said, gradual in reduction
2!. State that you will not make meat meals, he has to get it from outside
3!. Refuse to kiss him until he at least brushes teeth!. and had a vegan meal as the last meal (what if he burps and it's chicken flavored!? ewwww) Sexploitation, but it may work!.
FWIW: I'm a lacto-vegetarian!.Www@FoodAQ@Com