How do I put my foot down? Why do I keep having these issues w/ my family?!
I know you guys are probably tired of me asking these family/food/veganism questions and frankly, I'm tired of asking them! lol!. I have another situation that really made me angry and I need to resolve it nicely, but I want to put the whole issue to bed!. I am looking for advice on how to do that!.
Here it goes:
I invited my family over for an evening football game on Saturday!. I've hosted them quite a bit all season and I always try to provide munchies for them!. They usually bring over chicken wings or what they want, but I always have "fillers" like cookies, chips & salsa, hummus and pita bread!.!.!.I even bought Pizza Rolls for them once!.
I happened to come across an offer for free pizza and wings for gameday!. I could have turned it down since I'm vegan, but I thought of them and decided I'd take it!. I still have pizza rolls leftover from last time!. I'm expecting my mom, dad and sister and I THOUGHT that would be enough!.
I'm planning on making some vegan gyros for myself!. My mom just emailed me and wanted to know why I didn't offer for everyone to eat the gyros!. I don't think she understands that that's the ONLY thing I'll be able to eat!. When she invited me over for an evening game a few weeks back, she didn't have ANYthing for me to eat!. I think I'm going above and beyond here!.!.!.am I wrong for not wanting to "share" food that they'll probably turn their noses up at anyway!? They never make me any food!. Why should I make some for them!?
Thanks for listening and for the help! Www@FoodAQ@Com
Here it goes:
I invited my family over for an evening football game on Saturday!. I've hosted them quite a bit all season and I always try to provide munchies for them!. They usually bring over chicken wings or what they want, but I always have "fillers" like cookies, chips & salsa, hummus and pita bread!.!.!.I even bought Pizza Rolls for them once!.
I happened to come across an offer for free pizza and wings for gameday!. I could have turned it down since I'm vegan, but I thought of them and decided I'd take it!. I still have pizza rolls leftover from last time!. I'm expecting my mom, dad and sister and I THOUGHT that would be enough!.
I'm planning on making some vegan gyros for myself!. My mom just emailed me and wanted to know why I didn't offer for everyone to eat the gyros!. I don't think she understands that that's the ONLY thing I'll be able to eat!. When she invited me over for an evening game a few weeks back, she didn't have ANYthing for me to eat!. I think I'm going above and beyond here!.!.!.am I wrong for not wanting to "share" food that they'll probably turn their noses up at anyway!? They never make me any food!. Why should I make some for them!?
Thanks for listening and for the help! Www@FoodAQ@Com
Answers:
Well, you can do a couple things depending on how fed up (pardon the pun) you are!.
One is to just call it all off and go do something you want with people you want who respect you and don't play the games (mind ones not ball games)!. I did that long before I went veg with holidays as they were something I dreaded all year long!. I did it for me rather than doing something for them which had become a power trip and struggle; family and getting together shouldn't be about that so make your own family!.
The other thing is realize you can't change them, only yourself and how you react to them!. If your mom expresses disappointment in not having a vegan gyros tell her with enthusiasm you didn't realize she was so excited to have one, that you didn't think she liked your food but you're very happy to hear that she wants to share this aspect of your life now!. Explain that you hadn't offered before because the ingredients are expensive and you didn't want food wasted which is just a terrible thing these days!.!.!. like throwing money out the window too!. Then take orders of who else wants a vegan gyros!.
However, don't provide any other non-vegan food and no food that you aren't willing to eat yourself!. There's nothing about most food that also happens to be vegan that an omni can't eat (as you pointed out about the chips & salsa) unless they are allergic!. You don't have to tell them it's vegan (unless they ask)!. If they are hungry they'll partake and if they can't get over the idea it's vegan then they'll wait till they get home to eat!.
Obviously you know them better than I do but chances are if you take orders for them those that take you up will feel obligated to eat the sandwich and then be pleasantly surprised at how good it is!. Then those who passed it up will wish they hadn't!. Win-Win!.
To deal with the free pizza and wings maybe donate them or give to a neighbor!.
As for going over to their homes continue to bring something for yourself with enough to share but again, make it be something you're willing to eat and take home with you to finish!.
It really could be worse!. I knew one girl who had been vegetarian before her step-mom came into her life but even now when she takes something so she'll have something to eat it never appears on the table because no matter what it is the step-mom throws it in the garbage as soon as the girl turns her back!. That's just hostile!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
One is to just call it all off and go do something you want with people you want who respect you and don't play the games (mind ones not ball games)!. I did that long before I went veg with holidays as they were something I dreaded all year long!. I did it for me rather than doing something for them which had become a power trip and struggle; family and getting together shouldn't be about that so make your own family!.
The other thing is realize you can't change them, only yourself and how you react to them!. If your mom expresses disappointment in not having a vegan gyros tell her with enthusiasm you didn't realize she was so excited to have one, that you didn't think she liked your food but you're very happy to hear that she wants to share this aspect of your life now!. Explain that you hadn't offered before because the ingredients are expensive and you didn't want food wasted which is just a terrible thing these days!.!.!. like throwing money out the window too!. Then take orders of who else wants a vegan gyros!.
However, don't provide any other non-vegan food and no food that you aren't willing to eat yourself!. There's nothing about most food that also happens to be vegan that an omni can't eat (as you pointed out about the chips & salsa) unless they are allergic!. You don't have to tell them it's vegan (unless they ask)!. If they are hungry they'll partake and if they can't get over the idea it's vegan then they'll wait till they get home to eat!.
Obviously you know them better than I do but chances are if you take orders for them those that take you up will feel obligated to eat the sandwich and then be pleasantly surprised at how good it is!. Then those who passed it up will wish they hadn't!. Win-Win!.
To deal with the free pizza and wings maybe donate them or give to a neighbor!.
As for going over to their homes continue to bring something for yourself with enough to share but again, make it be something you're willing to eat and take home with you to finish!.
It really could be worse!. I knew one girl who had been vegetarian before her step-mom came into her life but even now when she takes something so she'll have something to eat it never appears on the table because no matter what it is the step-mom throws it in the garbage as soon as the girl turns her back!. That's just hostile!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
I think the best option is to have a preplanned menu including everyones preferences and to break up the dishes evenly per person!.!.!. you can decide sunday night what you guys want next sunday!.!.!.!.that should work!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
so make a couple extra VEGAN gyros for them!. if they don't eat them then be offended since you were told that it was a good idea for them to have some!
but yea you definately go out of your way for them!Www@FoodAQ@Com
but yea you definately go out of your way for them!Www@FoodAQ@Com
I wouldn't worry about it they can bring their own food and you are supplying other food for them just make what you want for yourself ask yourself would they make you special food if it was at thier houseWww@FoodAQ@Com
Here's the thing - you have some 'values'; ways of thinking and behaving that you consider important!. Sounds like those values include paying attention to your own needs and to the likes/dislikes of others!.
It also sounds to me as if you want to be treated with the same sort of courtesy that you extend!. Be careful! Others do not necessarily see things the way you do!. Apparently your Mom doesn't!.
When offering gifts to others, do so with what I call an Open Hand!. Don't hang on to the gift as the other person takes it; don't attach strings!.
If you choose to prepare food for others, do what you are willing to do, do it joyfully, and consider what you know about the recipients' preferences!. Once it is offered, it is a gift and what happens next is up to the recipients!. If you have particular diet needs/preferences and are not inclined to make enough for everyone, stick with that!. No need to get riled up about it or be resentful!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
It also sounds to me as if you want to be treated with the same sort of courtesy that you extend!. Be careful! Others do not necessarily see things the way you do!. Apparently your Mom doesn't!.
When offering gifts to others, do so with what I call an Open Hand!. Don't hang on to the gift as the other person takes it; don't attach strings!.
If you choose to prepare food for others, do what you are willing to do, do it joyfully, and consider what you know about the recipients' preferences!. Once it is offered, it is a gift and what happens next is up to the recipients!. If you have particular diet needs/preferences and are not inclined to make enough for everyone, stick with that!. No need to get riled up about it or be resentful!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Here's what I think you should do!.You are vegan and you should stand up for what you believe in!. Therefore, don't serve anything but vegan foods at your parties/gatherings!. Make enough vegan gyros for everyone!. Let them see how delicious vegan food is!. Don't buy pizza and wings, even if you have a free coupon! It goes against what you believe and sends a mixed message! Then, pack your own foods for their parties!. You can't expect people to accommodate you, but it would be nice!. Eventually, they will probably make sure they have some food options for you at their house too!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Your question is a little confusing, because you keep going from past to present to future tense, but I think I get the idea!. Your mother thought you were being rude for not sharing your vegan gyros with your guests, and you feel justified because they don't make a special dish for you when you go to their house!? It seems a big deal over nothing!. It is rude to make a dish for a party then tell people noone can eat but you!. As for them not "catering" to you by making you a special dish when you come to their house, I think you answered you own question!. "They usually bring over chicken wings or what they want"!. Yours would be, "I usually take over vegan gyros or what I want"!. Geez, why not get over your food issues, it sounds like everyone is working together quite nicely, except you!. Let them eat their wings, you eat your gyros and enjoy the game, and stop worrying about "putting your foot down"! You are creating your own "issues"!.
Www@FoodAQ@Com
Www@FoodAQ@Com
I think you are being very nice making sure theyhavea lot of food but what I do is make extra and just leave it there if they want some!.
also it may help if you ask your mom in advance if she will have something for you or take a dish of a "favorite" that you can eat the next time you go over!.
This is what I always do and it works!.
Take careWww@FoodAQ@Com
also it may help if you ask your mom in advance if she will have something for you or take a dish of a "favorite" that you can eat the next time you go over!.
This is what I always do and it works!.
Take careWww@FoodAQ@Com
you sound like a real *****!.
stop complaining so much about everything, it's really not that big a deal, either stop hosting the event you VOLUNTEERED FOR, or spend a couple more dollars to make sure you have enough food!. Not that big a deal, hun!. Www@FoodAQ@Com
stop complaining so much about everything, it's really not that big a deal, either stop hosting the event you VOLUNTEERED FOR, or spend a couple more dollars to make sure you have enough food!. Not that big a deal, hun!. Www@FoodAQ@Com