How can I get through the holidays maintaining my vegan diet, without offending potluck offerers?!
I am raw vegan!. I don't get a lot of support with my choice of diets at the best of times!. This Christmas is proving to be a nightmare!.
I just sent an email to members of my family that are attending a potluck gathering at my brother's house for Christmas!. This is how I worded it:
"Hello all!.
Just wanted to drop a quick line and ask that if you are going to be bringing any vegetable (potatoes, veggies, etc) item to Dana's on Boxing day, please set a small portion aside before adding any animal products to it (milk, butter, etc), if that is not too much trouble!. I prefer if I could have mine plain, in keeping with my vegan lifestyle!.
If you can't accomodate!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. its NO BIG DEAL!. I am preparing some pies, and a raw vegan dish to bring down, so it's not like I"ll be starving, lol!. But I just wanted to mention it so I don't offend anyone by not eating their dishes if it's non-vegan!. (most things about Christmas are soooooooooo not vegan, heeheeehee)
Thanks"
One of the responses was " am on the meat detail so I guess you won't enjoy the Xmas tradition!.
I can't make quiche without milk and eggs and the pastry of course has
added fat!. Is Woody excluded from Xmas too!?!?"
I'm so upset that I offended this person, and more upset that their attitude about "stepping outside the box" is so tainted!.
How could I better handle such situations in the future!? Any advice!?Www@FoodAQ@Com
I just sent an email to members of my family that are attending a potluck gathering at my brother's house for Christmas!. This is how I worded it:
"Hello all!.
Just wanted to drop a quick line and ask that if you are going to be bringing any vegetable (potatoes, veggies, etc) item to Dana's on Boxing day, please set a small portion aside before adding any animal products to it (milk, butter, etc), if that is not too much trouble!. I prefer if I could have mine plain, in keeping with my vegan lifestyle!.
If you can't accomodate!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. its NO BIG DEAL!. I am preparing some pies, and a raw vegan dish to bring down, so it's not like I"ll be starving, lol!. But I just wanted to mention it so I don't offend anyone by not eating their dishes if it's non-vegan!. (most things about Christmas are soooooooooo not vegan, heeheeehee)
Thanks"
One of the responses was " am on the meat detail so I guess you won't enjoy the Xmas tradition!.
I can't make quiche without milk and eggs and the pastry of course has
added fat!. Is Woody excluded from Xmas too!?!?"
I'm so upset that I offended this person, and more upset that their attitude about "stepping outside the box" is so tainted!.
How could I better handle such situations in the future!? Any advice!?Www@FoodAQ@Com
Answers:
From an etiquette point of view, you made the first rude and tainted move by suggesting that others should accomodate your food choices!. I think then it's to be expected that you will receive rude responses back!.
In many ways, food being brought to a potluck is like a gift!. It's very rude to put constraints on gifts being received, or to expect gifts in teh first place, so it is rude to expect others to accomodate your chosen food lifestyle!. Keep in mind that this is not an allergy, but a food preference, and others should never be expected to accomodate you, no matter how passionately you believe in being raw vegan!.
By asking people to treat you specially, you are losing the point of this food being "gifted" to everyone; by asking for concessions you are reducing the spirit of community food!. It doesn't seem fair, but it is what it is!. The idea of a potluck is that there should be something for everyone; not everyone making something for one!.
No matter how casually you meant your email, it also carries an air of superiority that *could* be taken as "my healthy lifestyle will be infringed by the things that you will be enjoying"!. People don't like to be reminded at this time of year about all the extra added fat, etc!. and usually like to enjoy their food for it's tradition, not worry about what's in it!. So, when you're implying that their additions are not in keeping with a certain lifestyle, it may put them off a bit!.
Even by adding "if it's not too much trouble" is a double edged sword!. Now you have guilted people into either accomodating you, and forced them to make a concession to your preference!. What if Aunt Nancy does not like marshmallows on her sweet potatoes!? Should the people bringing potatoes now put aside some for you, a marshmallow-less portion for Aunt Nancy!. If one person's preferences are taken into consideration, does it outweigh the preferences of the others!? KWIM!?
In short, your email is a public rejection of thier food lifestyle as much as what you're saying you're recieving from them!.
The best course of action, for public dinners, is to be a "quiet vegan"!. Bring a few dishes that you know you can *really* njoy, offer them for the table, and eat them!. If inquired as to why, you can casually mention that you are vegan and that while everything looks irresistable, you prefer to stick with your diet!. Nothing need more be said!. If people are curious, share your philosophy, and if they're not, then at least know you are following what you believe is best!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
In many ways, food being brought to a potluck is like a gift!. It's very rude to put constraints on gifts being received, or to expect gifts in teh first place, so it is rude to expect others to accomodate your chosen food lifestyle!. Keep in mind that this is not an allergy, but a food preference, and others should never be expected to accomodate you, no matter how passionately you believe in being raw vegan!.
By asking people to treat you specially, you are losing the point of this food being "gifted" to everyone; by asking for concessions you are reducing the spirit of community food!. It doesn't seem fair, but it is what it is!. The idea of a potluck is that there should be something for everyone; not everyone making something for one!.
No matter how casually you meant your email, it also carries an air of superiority that *could* be taken as "my healthy lifestyle will be infringed by the things that you will be enjoying"!. People don't like to be reminded at this time of year about all the extra added fat, etc!. and usually like to enjoy their food for it's tradition, not worry about what's in it!. So, when you're implying that their additions are not in keeping with a certain lifestyle, it may put them off a bit!.
Even by adding "if it's not too much trouble" is a double edged sword!. Now you have guilted people into either accomodating you, and forced them to make a concession to your preference!. What if Aunt Nancy does not like marshmallows on her sweet potatoes!? Should the people bringing potatoes now put aside some for you, a marshmallow-less portion for Aunt Nancy!. If one person's preferences are taken into consideration, does it outweigh the preferences of the others!? KWIM!?
In short, your email is a public rejection of thier food lifestyle as much as what you're saying you're recieving from them!.
The best course of action, for public dinners, is to be a "quiet vegan"!. Bring a few dishes that you know you can *really* njoy, offer them for the table, and eat them!. If inquired as to why, you can casually mention that you are vegan and that while everything looks irresistable, you prefer to stick with your diet!. Nothing need more be said!. If people are curious, share your philosophy, and if they're not, then at least know you are following what you believe is best!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
I would just say "no thank you" to any foods you can't eat!. Its no different than declining a food that you don't like!.
Or if you want to avoid the drama related to having a vegan diet, you could say you're a vegetarian but allergic to dairy!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Or if you want to avoid the drama related to having a vegan diet, you could say you're a vegetarian but allergic to dairy!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
I had an issue with one of my aunts a thanksgiving because I wouldn't eat her salad (had cheese in it) and she got upset!. I shook it off because it's the holidays!. Everyone who asked me why I was choosing to be a vegan I just simply told them it was my personal decision and it's how I choose to live my life!. Everyone was pretty cool with it after I explained why I was becoming a vegan!.
You are going to get a lot of criticism don't take it to heart, people just don't understand how someone can't eat meat or drink milk!. People will even start to forget and not worry about it!. Stick with it and good luck!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
You are going to get a lot of criticism don't take it to heart, people just don't understand how someone can't eat meat or drink milk!. People will even start to forget and not worry about it!. Stick with it and good luck!.Www@FoodAQ@Com