Do you think this is a bit rude?!

Hi, I need more details about what she said exactly...

If you need an answer now, though, I say the solution is not words, but actions. Do not invite her over anymore or at least for a long time.
There's a chance she feels bad and if you invite her over tomorrow night, she will "shut up about it".

Edit: I woulda said TY for the bread and fruit; sounds wonderful.

I think you were both a bit rude. Her, for preaching about what everyone was eating. You, knowingly inviting a vegetarian for dinner, and not providing food to serve her. Fruit and bread? Not very hospitable. Not to suggest that everything you provide should be vegetarian, but there should at least be enough for her to make a meal out of; otherwise, don't invite her, or at least warn her that vegetarian choices will be limited so she might want to bring a dish.

Well, later you amend "fruit and bread" to "many wonderful non-meat choices" so I wonder if this actually happened at all.

Maybe you should have asked her what a suitable meal would be, instead of making her sit in front of a table full of meat knowing she would not be able to eat all the main things the other guests were having. Anyway it may have been rude how she reacted, but it was rude of you to invite her over and fail to provide a meal for her.

Your friend should of respected you for your values in food as you're not a vegetarian. You respected her by inviting your other vegetarian friends and where's the dinner party without a bit of meat? I guess you should try to explain to her that it was just a misunderstanding and of course invite her! She might even get more upset if you don't.

Just explain to her that you respect her rights to choose not to eat meat, you provide for her, and accept her decision and that she needs to do the same for you - if you want to eat meat that is your choose. She can explain her decision to you, but she has no right to try to make you feel bad for your choices. She needs to accept that you have different views on the subject and leave it at that.

i agree that its' rude to be invited over someone's house for a meal and just complain. maybe she was annoyed that there was nothing to eat.maybe she assumed that you would make her something since you invited her. that's no excuse to act that way though.

Ugh how awkward. There's a time and a place for discussing (not pushing) such issues.
If she thinks being lacto-ovo-vegetarian is moral...she's wrong. If I were you, I'd lay down the law next time she's over :)

Vegan.

what a *****, she gets invited to dinner and complaints about the food, never invite her again, she doesn't have higher morals than anyone in that house

I think I would have acted the same as her.

What you did was really out of line. You invited people to a DINNER party. DINNER implies you are going to eat. Yet you did not provide something for her to eat.

Fruit and bread? She's not a gerbil for heaven's sake! She's a person.

Seems like you did this just to tick her off and make her feel like an outcast. What a immature and mean thing to do. Grow up and stop messing with people over what they choose to do with their lives.

A the very least you could have included one vegetarian dish for dinner, it isn't that hard. What you did was invite a person into your home and exclude them...do you get off on ridiculing people often?

When you create a dinner party, you job is to create a menu that everyone will enjoy. If you had a meal in mind that you knew she could not eat you should not have invited her or at the very least given her the option to stop in AFTER you had all eaten explaining you were doing a carnivore dinner.

I would never lecture others on what they choose to eat. She was wrong to do that.
That said, if you invited me to dinner knowing that I was vegetarian and offered nothing but fruit and bread, I would promptly leave and throw you OUT of my life. YES, you should cater to ALL your guests and if you don't want to, don't invite them!
Fruit and bread is not many wonderful non meat choices. The only time anyone ever did this to me they did not realize I didn't eat meat, and offered to make something special then and there. THAT'S a gracious hostess who shows she cares about her guests no matter their dietary oddities. You're just a selfish *****.

So, let me get this straight. You know your friend is a vegetarian and you invite her to a dinner party serving meat dishes and a little bit of bread and fruit and she's the rude one for having so little to eat? You were the rude one for not providing a vegetarian-friendly option that everyone would like. Why couldn't you have served pasta with a nice marinara sauce? For the meat lovers, you could have offered meatballs on the side. Or you could have served more substantial meat-free side dishes that could double as a main course for her. You were the rude one for inviting her to a dinner party knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to eat what you served her.

Suppose you invited a Jewish friend who kept kosher and served pork. Would you get upset with your Jewish friend for not being able to eat the food you serve that is clearly non-kosher?

@Dion, no, not all vegetarians or vegans are like that. It is not 'typical'.

Anyway, some have said it was a little rude of her to complain. But I don't blame her. Now, if she was being preachy then that's different. But I definitely would have out-right told you how rude it was of you to invite me to a dinner party and only have fruit and bread for me to eat. And then this magically changes to "many wonderful non meat choices". Fruit and bread alone is not a wonderful meal. Stop defending yourself and take the criticism you're asking for.

You say you had 20-something guests. You are expected to cater to ALL GUESTS. Of course she expected you to cater to her. It's not because she is a preachy vegetarian, it's because she is a guest in your house and you should show equal treatment to ALL your guests!

Over the New Year, I had a bunch of friends who had a HUGE party. There AT LEAST 50 people there. And of all those people, only two of us, me and another friend, are vegan. But despite the fact that they had 50 people there, they still managed to make something for us to eat. The omnivores had two huge platters of hamburgers and hotdogs. But they still were kind enough to go out of their way and make us veggie burgers and veggie dogs. They even cleaned off the grill and grilled our food BEFORE everyone else's so that no burger grease got on our food at all. THAT is being a good host. You have no idea what being a host is about.

I hope she ditches you as a friend. You are so rude. And the fact that everyone here has been telling you why you could be considered rude and you're defending yourself tells me you're very stubborn and don't like to admit that you messed up.

Vegan

It sounds pretty rude from the way you described it, but you don't really mention anything about what she says. Maybe she doesn't realize how rude she's being, or maybe you're taking it too personally. Again, I'm just saying these are possibilities because I don't know what was said. If you really care for this friend, you can try doing the same thing but have a couple more veggie-friendly dishes. Maybe she was having a bad day and simply felt annoyed that she didn't have much available to her. It sounds like she was acting out of line, but really... bread and fruit is not a meal. If she still fusses and doesn't bother to bring food for herself or anything, then I would say it's too much.

ok, i do eat meat, and probably always will. that being said, if i invited a vegetarian friend over for dinner with a few other friends i would make at least a dish or two that she would like too, not just throw some bread and fruit on the table, its not hard to throw together a couple veggie dishes to go with the meat. that way everyone gets to pick and choose over the table and eat what they want and everyone gets full.....at the same time, i dont agree with her being so preachy about it, its one thing to be mad over not having anything you can eat after being invited to dinner when the one doing the inviting knows your eating habits, but its another thing entirely to preach your lifestyle to others because of it. i might have told you "thanks for the bread and fruit" but you can bet it would have been dripping with sarcasm, can you get full on bread and fruit? you were both in the wrong.

im not by any means saying not to have your meat either...im just saying there should have been something there for everyone to eat and enjoy.


if you really provided her "many wonderful non meat choices" then she needs to sit down, shut up, and eat her food and get over it.

I think she was probably irritated at you for inviting her to a dinner party and not mentioning that you weren't going to provide a meal for her. I am happy to be included in mixed events, but if someone invited me to a meal with "mostly chicken and beef" without telling me that I should bring something if I wanted more than fruit and bread, I would probably think that they were intentionally pushing my buttons. A perfect veg/omni relationship is not the absence of being obnoxious about meat, it is one where both parties are understanding and respectfully honest. She was out of line, but probably feeling defensive, like you were intentionally trying to upset her or force her into eating meat. (Of course this probably was not your intent, but being hungry and feeling forgotten can make someone sensitive.)

Next time you are having a dinner party, be sensitive to the fact that she doesn't eat animals. If you are unable or unwilling to make vegetarian food, ask her to bring something! She would much rather you did that than feel like you didn't care about her.

Personally I think that your friend is being ridiculous. I have been a vegetarian for over six years and have never had a problem with people eating meat in front of me. It is rude for her to criticize the way that you are eating and tell you that you should not eat meat just because she does not. Certain types of meat such as steak (like you mentioned) can sometimes gross me out but I never say anything about it to the person who is going to eat it because that is just annoying.

To answer your question, I think that you should try and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you realize that she is a vegetarian and has made the decision not to eat meat but you have not and that she is not going to change your mind just by saying she thinks it is "bad" or "wrong" to eat meat. Good luck!

You shouldn't have invited her if you only going to have bread and fruit. It wouldn't have killed you to put on some rice and vegetables. A couple bags of steam-in-bag vegetables would have cost you like 4.00. Then a box of rice would have been about 1.50. Both could have been microwaved.

You say fruit and bread and wonderful non-meat choices. I think not. There is no protein in fruit and bread is bread. It kind of shows that you didn't think at all. No one made you invite her, and if YOU decided to invite her, you could have tried a little.

I don't really buy this question though because I think if you were really in your 20s like you claim that you wouldn't use "then" so many times as a comparison. Its "than" and most adults know that.

If you weren't going to have anything for her, you should have at least warned her so she could bring something. I'm sure she asked and you told her there would be things. Then she shows up to fruit and bread. Wow.

She sounds like a typical vegetarian. She is unlikely to ever change.

You have basically two choices here:
- Appease her by becoming a vegetarian yourself
- Lose her as a friend, because she will, in all likelihood, eventually realize that she is too morally pure to associate with anybody that eats meat