Vegan with an eating disorder..?!

I don't know if I can really help you, but I can sympathize and offer what I know.

For years, I had an eating disorder (actually, I'm recovering with still a few eating issues), and I became vegan during those years. Not something I talk a lot about because most people tend to think I'm vegan because of my eating disorder. I find the two separate matters.

Anyway, I did use to binge on non-vegan foods sometimes. I never binged on meat because I had been vegetarian for long enough meat wasn't appealing, but all the comfort foods that have milk and eggs? I'm afraid once I grabbed food I lost my ability to care.

I was anorexic mostly, with other eating issues such as binging/purging. I know your story is unique but here is what I noticed in myself. First of all, I was starving. Even if I denied it, I was and at a certain point, I "snap." I want to eat something, and sometimes my body went on auto mode. I think my body tried to get what it could while it could.

When I ate non-vegan foods, I noticed a pattern. What was my body REALLY craving?

Foods fall into three main categories: fats, proteins, and sugars.

Fats: Cheese, for instance, has a lot of fat in it, so when my body tasted that, it wanted more to store up. After a time, I figured out that nuts had the same effect; if I was eating/wanting something with cheese, I could eat nuts instead and the longing for cheese left. Unfortunately, binging on nuts wasn't something I was willing to do (high calories).

Sugar: I deprived myself of a lot of sugar aside from fruits. A lot of sweet processed foods have high amounts of sugar, if the body is craving sugar, it's going to want that. Most processed sweet foods also contain milk and eggs.

Protein: Well, meat has protein.

This isn't a category exactly, but carbs are something else are body sometimes craves for quick energy. This would be along the same lines as the sweet foods.

...

My advice for you? Well, first off, figure out why you ate that non-vegan food the first time and why you wanted it again.

What are you eating during your meals? Are you depriving yourself of fats, sweets, or protein?

What are the exact foods you binged on? Any patterns? If you are binging on something sweet, could you try to grab some vegan sweet food instead? Or better yet, see if you can slow it down and satisfy yourself with fruits.

It could be as simple as, you ate the non-vegan foods because it was there. There is nothing natural or rational about binging, so it can be hard to reason with your eating disorder.

When you are in a stable position, see if you can put away the food you don’t want to eat, so it’s harder to get to when you are at a weak point (I’m guessing you live somewhere that throwing them away isn’t an option). Put the foods you do want to eat within easy access. Along those same lines, what foods do you have for yourself? If all you have is carrots, that could explain why you would grab for something else.

I’m sorry you are struggling with this. Eating disorders in general are no fun... I hope you can get help and recovery from it. Please be gentle and forgiving with yourself no matter what happens!

This may not be the most appealing advice, but I think it would help if you could plan binges and allow yourself to binge on vegan foods every once in a while. This will satisfy your urge to binge while allowing you to do it more safely and with only vegan foods. I'm not sure what else you can do, really, other than try and put this mistake behind you and just get on with things as normal. Good luck.