How do you kill a tofulopagus for tofu meat?!
How do you kill a tofulopagus for tofu meat?
Answers:
Tofu is a soy product. The plant has to be harvested and processed in a manner similar to that which gives us other grains.
You frighten it to death.
Play some Ani Difranco music to attract it, then hit it with a spaghetti noodle.
fry the bas alive
First, you put its feet into a bowl of Jello. Then you tug at it's teeth real hard until they come out. Then you sing a Brian Adams song to it. After thirty minutes of that, you MUST present it to "Pillow Pants."....After that torture all that is left is to go to San Bernardino, Ca. and place it on the corner of Waterman and Baseline and paint it white.
You dig a big hole in the ground. then you put peas all around the hole
When the tofulopagus comes to take a pea; he falls in the hole
So first you need to find one! its really hard cuz they only live in one place. just one place! Russia! After u have found one make sure it is a tofulopagus. they are easily confussed with the soyasauras. So once u have identified it make sure u have some soy sauce on hand. Put the sauce in a small jug, and leave it under a large trap. Like on of those ones in the movies with the crate and the stick. wait just a minuet because they go for soy sauce like theres no tomorrow! After it is in the trap and dranken the soy sauce you must now shoot it with a 45. It will only die for about 10 mins. so be ready to dig in quick. Dig in it for the tofu. It shouldnt be that hard to find because as everybody knows its the only square vegatable in the world!
Most vegetarians do not like to kill ANYTHING, so you must eat the tofulopagus ALIVE !
very carefully...
HookieJr's answer pretty much sums it up, but don't forget to put a hat on the tofulopagus before driving it to San Bernadino or else, you've got a real problem.