Would be ok with the host if I brought myself a great big ol' rib-eye to eat to party hosted by a Vegan?!
Would be ok with the host if I brought myself a great big ol' rib-eye to eat to party hosted by a Vegan?
I recently hosted a party for my daughters b-day. I served a brisket (smoked for 10 hours), jerked chicken (smoked for 4 hours), bacon ranch potato salad, and beans. During the party, I came across one girl sitting quietly in the corner, crying, because we didn't have anything for her to eat (the beans had Ham in it), and she was hungry. So I told her to get in my truck, we went down and got her a salad from Wendy's. Later, when her mom picked her, she told her what happened. The mom was livid, "how dare I invite her vegan child and not serve something she could eat" was the question that this question reminded me of. The invitation clearly stated that Bar-B-Que would be served, but I thought I was still bending over backwards to feed her child.
So I'm wondering, if it would be ok with the host if I brought myself a great big ol' rib-eye to eat a Vegan party? And, would it be OK for me scream at the host for not providing meat for me eat?
Answers:
In general, of course it would not be OK if you hauled along your own steak to a dinner you had been told would be vegan. Propriety, as I learned it at the knees of my Southern Lady mother, demands that when one is a guest one eats what one is served. The only exception to that rule would be a food allergy.
On the other hand, a host or hostess does have a duty to their guests to make some provision for special diets that they know about. And let me stress the "know about." It is not your duty as a host to go around asking each of your guests what they can and can't eat. Nor is it your duty to provide a special meal for someone who simply does not like what you happen to serve. Now, if you knew that one of your guest happened to be allergic to shellfish (or they told you) then you would be remiss to not have something that individual could eat.
It is not your personal responsibility to canvass each and every person that your daughter invites to a party for their food preferences. And a vegan lifestyle is a food preference, not a food obligation in the same way that an allergy is.
Your daughter probably did know that her friend was a vegan and likely forgot. Had she thought to tell you, I'm sure you would have had something available for the young lady. Water over the dam now.
The mother, on the other hand, was exceedingly rude in her response to you. Obviously she should have realized, even if her teen daughter did not, that a barbecue involves meat. Mostly meat at most of them. The young lady should have either brought along her own veggie burgers (I'm SURE she has run into this before) or simply not attended the party, extending her regrets with a simple "I'm sorry - I'm vegan. I don't eat barbecue."
Vegetarianism is a life-style choice. It is one that most people are happy to accommodate if they know about it, but there is absolutely no social requirement that demands this kind of accommodation.
You might want to pick up a package of the frozen Veggie Burger patties to keep on hand should something like this happen again. (Much quicker than a trip to Wendy's.) The mushroom ones seem to be the most popular. And don't forget to have a green salad :)