Why does my daughter judge me for NOT being a vegetarian?!
Answers: My daughter is an adult, married with young children of her own. Until she was about 15 she ate everything...loved a good rare steak etc. Then, she decided to become a vegetarian. I always worried about her health (and still do) because I do not feel she is a "healthy " vegetarian. We are very close and always have been, but I learned long ago not to question how she eats, because it just angers her and she is very stubborn and has very strong convictions. Naturally she is raising her children on a vegetarian diet too. The oldest is now starting to notice the things my husband and I eat when we are with them. I love my granddaughter so much and it hurts when she asks me things like, "why do you eat dead animals?" I feel like she is being taught to judge those that are not vegetarians. I don't want to say anything to her that will anger my daughter, but I feel inclined to say SOMETHING in support of what I choose to eat. I NEVER say anything because I just don't know what to say.
To start, this is the Vegetarian/Vegan section so you are unlikely to get any sympathies, straight facts or respect from the vegehead fanatics that patrol these pages. You would have been better off asking this in the "Family/Relationships" category as this seems more of a family question than a food question.
You have shown tolerance and respect for your daughter's lifestyle choice. Up to now, you still show a lot of sensitivity about it and are consciously avoiding any kind of confrontation. But she seems not inclined to reciprocate the gesture. Painful as it may seem, you need to accept th fact that your daughter is no longer that cute little kid that you once raised. She is now an adult with her own life and family. They are her responsibility and though it may not seem that way, she is teaching them what she thinks is best. That's about all a parent could and should do.
Sadly, there is little you can do about your grand kids either. Unless you see outright abuse, you have very little say in their upbringing. just answer them as accurately and a kindly as you can. Explain why you do what you do in a manner in which kids of their age can understand. if they ask a question you can't answer at the moment, then just smile and say something like, 'Well hon, Grandma is weird that way.." to avoid some philosophical debate.
good luck
Just tell her that is your choice to make and not anyone elses. Don't tell her what she is doing is right or wrong. Simply tell her that just as she has made a choice to not eat meat you have made a choice to eat it. Also, you should talk to your daughter and explain to her exactly what you wrote in this question. See how your daughter would want you to answer your grandchild (personal feelings aside). Tell your daughter you would like her help with this and hopefully she will appreciate you including her. Your daughter should be the one to tell her daughter not to question other peoples "choices".
Do NOT get into an argument over this. You will lose the argument and it's possible you will lose visitation with your grandchildren. You don't want to tell your grandchild that you eat meat because it is (whatever your reason)... children will notoriously repeat anything said to them back to their parents. This would only anger your daughter. The best thing for you to do is what you are doing now... don't say anything.
I know you haven't chose vegetarianism for yourself, but you may consider only eating vegetarian meals around them and meat at home. That way you can avoid the situation completely.
Well, it appears that it is your grandchildren, and not your daughter, who are judging you. From what you describe, it just sounds like kids not being tactful, which is something parents cringe at sometimes, but just have to get used to. Kids are always the one to comment on how fat someone is or how different a dwarf looks. This is not because they are cruel or judgmental, they just don't have as good a sense of what is or is not socially appropriate.
If you do feel inclined to say something (which you indicated you used to do), make sure to say it to the mother, rather than the child. If you feel your grandchildren were being disrespectful, you can ask your daughter to address their manners, but if you have a problem with the child's opinion, I don't think you'll get very far.
Your daughter has chosen to raise her children vegetarian, just as you chose to raise her eating meat. Until she was 15, she believed how you believed, and then made her own decision. Your grandchildren currently believe as your daughter believes, and maybe they will one day make a different personal decision. The two situations are perfect parallels, but one seems right to you because that's the way you did it, and the other seems wrong, because you don't believe as they do. Respect the parental decisions of your daughter as you would like people to respect yours.
I don't know what to say either... I have noticed that for many vegetarians/vegans, their dietary choices seem to be based on ideals, rather than on health, and they seem to see vegetarianism as a moral lifestyle.
I don't quite understand the idea that not eating animals is somehow more moral than eating them. Perhaps some of you vegetarians/vegans would be kind enough to explain this concept. (I'm serious; I'm not being sarcastic. I'd like to know.) And it follows that people who find this issue a moral one would be judgmental toward the attitudes of those who don't find it an issue of morals.
I have heard the idea expressed that there would be plenty of food to feed the entire world if only we stopped feeding our grain to food animals. I will tell you right now that that is an untruth. There is an abundance of food in the world -- more than enough for every starving African or Indian, and more than enough to feed every hungry person. It is economic disparities that cause hunger. I won't turn this into an ECON 101 essay, but if you study the hard science of food production (I speak as the spouse of a person with a doctorate in agricultural economics), you find that the problem of hunger is not related to the production of animal proteins.
I understand that many people find it repellent to eat animals, and have chosen to eat only vegetable products. However, there are many who don't. Perhaps you could explain to your granddaughter, when she asks, that you and Grandpop feel that animals are not equal to humans. That animals certainly deserve to be treated kindly, but they are not the same as humans, and you don't feel that you are doing wrong. (I don't know if you'd be comfortable bringing up the verses in the Old Testament that refer to God giving food animals to the Hebrews -- there's one about God giving dominion over the world to Adam and Eve, and then there are several in, um... Deuteronomy, I think, where God speaks of his giving goats and sheep and cattle to the people, but that they may not eat pork or shellfish.)
Obviously you and your daughter have both made dietary choices. You can explain your choice to your grandchildren without putting down your daughter's choice; remind them that you don't disparage their mother and you'd like to ask them to respect you as well.
Your granddaughter wants to know why you eat dead animals - well, you do, so I'm not sure why you're hurt by that particular one.
I'm not a vegetarian, but I won't eat anything but seafood, and if people ask me why, I always have a logical explanation for why I eat the way I do. So why do you eat dead animals? Calmly and logically explain to your granddaughter why you feel it's better to eat meat - for taste preferences, health, whatever, and then go ahead and finish your meal. Don't disrespect her vegetarian diet, though.
It's not helping anyone for you to say nothing. Even if she is a strict vegetarian for the rest of her life, she'll have to learn how to respect meat-eaters.
Vegetarianism like politics don't discuss. I like some of the suggestions in here. Just avoid the subject like the plague. When my kids are butting heads on their convictions. I tell them " I love you too much to argue about this. Trust me
I know how you feel and I know you know how I feel. Just let us leave it at that." If you are worried about how rounded she is in her diet,buy her a vegetarian cookbook. They also have ones that help them round their diet with the proper proteins. buy one for yourself as well so that you may be able to prepare a wonderful meal for all of you.
IN AN ADDITIONAL COMMENT
DID YOU EVEN READ MINE
I am highly compassionate for those who are vegetarian. I have many friends that are but yet they don't preach to me about what I eat.I have friends that are muslin as well. I am very respectful to their diet as well. I am very compassionate for those who love their children I have 4.
what you should tell your granddaughter is plainly. It is a life choice.
When I have them over I prepare the foods they can have. yes I even do the halal thing
I don't see the problem, they will ask 'why do you eat dead animals?' because that is exactly what you are doing. Children will always be very literal and ask questions based on what they see. If you feel there's judgement in that question, which in my view is a perfectly reasonable one, then maybe you're not as at ease with your choices as you would like to think.
When you consider the suffering that farmed animals have to endure, is it any wonder that veggies and vegans judge. Any lifestyle choice whch has the ability to cause suffering to another being is likely to attract judgement from some people, whether it be eating meat, fox hunting, cheating on ones spouse, etc etc.
Why do you eat meat? Say why (although I'd avoid things like 'we are supposed to' or 'everyone should' that might upset your daughter).
Just be honest and say " I eat it because I like the taste and I don't value animals lives like you do "
Its simple. If you are happy eating meat you will be happy saying that and all will be well.
How can you be hurt about someone asking why you are eating meat ?
It does seem to me you are bringing lots of "baggage" to the situation.
Kids ask straightforward questions
You are guessing about the "taught to judge", this might be a simple question from a young person - they have a habit of putting questions so clearly that we often think there is some motive. Usually there isn't All thats happened is they have spotted a difference and want to know why there is a difference.
Life can be simple.
This is simply curiosity and not judgement. Think about religion. Children get excited around Christmas time because they are Christian but if they talk to a Jewish person or Islamic, Wiccan, Pan-African, or other religion should they feel as though they are being judged? In reality no but some feel that differences are a direct attack on their personal beliefs. You feel you are being judged for what you eat and your daughter feels as though she is being judged for how she eats. You don't have to eat the same way as her but you should support her decision because she is your daughter. You don't have to stop eating meat but altogether but when she comes to visit try limiting it a bit and not emphasizing the meat but have it to the side. When the children ask just say that some people eat different things and try not to focus on the things you think are bad about the diet but maybe say something like, "your mommy makes some really yummy veggies that are healthy for you." It might also help if you got some more information on a vegetarian diet just to put your mind at ease. Just like with any diet a vegetarian diet must be balanced. This is obviously something important in her life and I'm sure it would mean the world to her if you accepted it.
If your grandchildren don't learn to respect normal omnivores now, they're going to have a hard time making friends later on. They need to know that a persons diet is their choice and their business. It's no one's place to judge someone for their favorite foods. Just say, "Well, I like meat. I know your parents don't like it, but a lot of people do. I'm an adult, and adults eat what they want."
Don't let kids make you feel guilty. Your grandchildren and your daughter should respect your life and your decisions.
Depending on your grandchild's age, it may just be the tactless question of a curious child. You will have to find the right answer to give her. But it probably boils down to culture and habit.
I'd also like to know why you feel your daughter is not being a "healthy" vegetarian.
It sounds to me like your daugher might be forgetting to be respectful to you. Common problem, but I think it's high time to remind her that you respect her beliefs, so she should respect yours, if not simply because you are her mother (heaven forbid) but because it's the right thing to do.
Teens test waters. You'd better start to show her where the boundaries are.
I agree with the first answer with Ranger_co.
This sounds more like the family dynamics of your mother-daughter relationship more so than a vegetarian question.
You've probably made back-handed comments throughout your daughter's life and she's still resentful as an adult. I've noticed women are like that.
In regards to your g'daughters question, just be honest. When you're honest, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Q: "why do you eat dead animals?"
A: "Well my dear, live animals are a lot more difficult to to poke with a fork and eat."
My friend's kids when young would ask people at restaurants the same thing, "Did you know that that's a dead animal? Why do you eat dead animals?"
They literally could not conceive of a reason to eat an animal. They could not understand it.
Just imagine someone coming from a place where they do not consume dairy, such as in China, and they ask you, "Why do you consume animal milk? Don't you know that comes from an animal?" See, animal milk is for baby animals, not humans, and certainly not human adults. So, the question would be totally innocent.
Why would a herbivore eat meat? Especially where there is no desperation involved? It just doesn't make sense.
The answer is, is that it is part of your culture. It's unnecessary, therefore it must be a ritualistic part of one's lifestyle. "My parents fed it to me, so I became accustomed to it." That's how it works.
Tinned food can be produced and packaged locally along with dried fruit, nuts, seeds and just about anything else. A vegetarian diet does not necessarily require transport... in fact meat is the most environmentally damaging 'food' on the planet. The animal's food is shipped from developing countries where starving people are living right next to fields full of food which is grown for and sent to the west as cheap animal feed. 1kg of meat takes over 10kg of feed to produce, that's not to mention the actual land the animals take up or the water they consume.
Sorry, just had to make that clear. I think it's great that you respect your daughter's wishes and know that a vegetarian diet can be healthy... she's just going about it the wrong way. From what you've mentioned it doesn't seem like your grand daughter is being taught to judge meat eaters. Your daughter is raising her by her beliefs and unfortunately these are conflicting with yours. You say she asked you "Why do you eat dead animals?" well that seems like a logical question for a vegetarian kid to ask. She's been told that meat comes from dead animals which is of course the truth. Most children, vegetarian or not, don't like the idea of killing animals and so she is innocently asking you why you do so. I'm not saying that cannibalism is the same as eating animal meat but using this example may help you understand your daughters point of view. If your mother ate human flesh and you rebelled against this when you were 15, then you would be pretty upset if she went on to tell your children, her grandchildren, that it was ok to eat human flesh. She sees eating meat as wrong and you should respect her decision to teach her child this. If you really are stuck on what to say then just say you're from a different generation and you're set in your ways or just say that everyone is different... some people think it's ok to eat meat and some people don't. I think in terms of your daughter getting angry when you question what she eats then maybe you could research a healthy vegetarian diet. Don't mention that she should eat meat... just tell her that anyone, vegetarian or not, needs a balanced diet. There is so much information about vegetarianism nowadays that there really is no excuse for not eating a balanced and healthy vegetarian diet, especially if you're bringing up vegetarian kids. Good luck with everything.
And by the way, developing a proitein deficiency is almost impossible as most foods have protein in. It's a common misconception that vegetarians don't get enough. Meat actually has too much protein in. If you really are worried than tofu isn't the only protein rich foods... wholegrains such as pasta, bread and rice along with nuts, seeds and beans are all great sources of protein and are cheap too.
It's quite possible to be a vegetarian or vegan and at the same time teach your children to respect other people's choices, and that everybody's different.
In your place I would tell your granddaughter that we are all different, different people make different choices, and that while some people believe eating meat is wrong, others do not. Presumably when she notices what you and your husband eat she is in your home, and you are entitled to expect respect.
Don't mean to hijack your thread, but it looks as if 'Michael H bullies kids who work in Mcdonalds' is fast becoming an established V&V omni-myth. Let's nip this one in the bud now.
The young person was certainly bullied by a few people. One person, a regular on V&V, said 'I think you've just elevated the definition of hypocrisy to a higher level…So you put money before principle?' That person wasn't Michael H, who said 'You are earning your way at 16, congratulations …Plase make you own choices and do what feels comfortable. I'm sure you'll be out of there as soon as you feel able'.
Here's the thread; make up your own minds who is doing the bullying:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Edit**looks like the attack on Michael H has been removed; I'm going to leave my response to it here anyway, as it's bound to come up again
I'm sorry to tell you this, but what you're eating IS dead animals. I don't think this question is judgemental in itself. It sounds to me like she has only taught your granddaughter the truth about that burger or steak or chicken finger.
If you're so concerned, talk about it with your daughter, or maybe bring it up with your son-in-law. Maybe he can suggest something, or mediate a discussion between the two of you.
Good luck!
She is a product of your training during her childhood years. What did you do that laid the foundations for her to become judgmental?
Mental and emotional values become distorted by some individuals. The Inhumane treatment of animals in the food industry has been exploited and exaggerated fiercely,..
many becoming involved KNOW they are off base but will lash out to offend the common individual as if to alter their life to conform to their FALSE belief..
the only points that can used to refute is to show the history of man and the the common customs in every nation and even God and Jesus condone and encourage healthy meat eating.
Every slaughter house has inspectors from USDA FDA and several religious groups as well as PETA
once anyone has found an infraction,, recommendations to correct the method are implemented
So the poor animal sympathy is groundless a 1000+ animals MUST be slaughtered daily JUST to satisfy demand..
a vegetarian - vegan is a personal Individual choice ..
Just as the Religious individuals ON their missions of self -righteousness.
Good Luck & have a happy Turkey Day
Ignor them and Be YOURSELF let them adjust ..