My husband is a recovering alcoholic, is it right that he demands that I never drink?!
I never drink around him and I never get drunk, but from time to time when I am out with my girlfriends for lunch or dinner I like to enjoy ONE glass of wine!. My husband gets very upset at the thought of this!? I just don't understand it!?!? Am I wrong!?Www@FoodAQ@Com
Answers:
What it really comes down to here is psychology!. While it's not right for someone to demand that someone else stop doing anything, you should understand that by continuing to drink it makes him much more likely to regress to drinking as well!. Any influence of Alcohol or its affects around him are going to be mentally tempting, and give him mental justification to drink!. Its almost like eating pork while being married to a Muslim!. It simultaneously goes against what they believe, and tempts them against they're own will!. I suggest you discuss the limits of how far he wants you to take this, while outlining your own feelings!. If its really just one glass of wine I don't think you're giving up that much, to possibly prevent your husband from backsliding!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Because he want to drink, but doesn't because he knows what it does to him!. You need to support your husband through this!. If you go out for a drink, it better be ONE drink that you DON'T tell him about and make absolutely sure he will never find out!. When he watches you drink (or even just hears about it) it's going to drive him to drink!.
Take it to an extreme!. If you had a son who was a recovering heroin addict---would it be a good idea for him to hang out with people who do heroin!? Even if it's "not in front of them!?" I understand one may be worse than the other, but sit down and look at someone who can't stop drinking and then look at someone who can't stop shooting heroin---the addiction may look similiar, as it would for every addicting drug!.
Do your family a favor and quit with him!. If you yourself cannot quit drinking with him, at the very least make him think it and NEVER reveal to him the truth!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Take it to an extreme!. If you had a son who was a recovering heroin addict---would it be a good idea for him to hang out with people who do heroin!? Even if it's "not in front of them!?" I understand one may be worse than the other, but sit down and look at someone who can't stop drinking and then look at someone who can't stop shooting heroin---the addiction may look similiar, as it would for every addicting drug!.
Do your family a favor and quit with him!. If you yourself cannot quit drinking with him, at the very least make him think it and NEVER reveal to him the truth!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
if he's in AA, he should have no problem with you participating in the rest of society!.!.!.if he's just recently sober you might wanna think just how important that one little glass of wine is!.!.!.i mean you could help him out a little by chilling out yourself, if just for a little while!. but once he's on his feet, he shouldn't put anything you do in front of his sobriety!.!.!.!.i know people in AA who serve alcohol at parties!.!.!.i'm not saying that's for everybody, but at some point he's going to have to realize that alcoholism is HIS problem, not yours and if HE's going to do anything about it he can't let OTHER people's actions dictate whether or not he picks up the first drink!.!.!.!.get him a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the BIG BOOK!.!.!.(it's only known that to people in the program of aa, so don't ask for the 'big book' at a bookstore or they'll probably give you a bible)!.!.the text can be kind of old fashioned at times but you should maybe give it a read too!.!.!.!.it'll keep him from using his sobriety as a weapon against you or others and you might learn something while you're at it!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
He could be just concerned for your health, and fears you might turn out like him; or might even be afraid that even the faintest presence of alcohol anywhere might cause him to relapse!.
But it is your life, and personally, I would just not tell him!. Though you should be supporting him, its not fair for you to be deprived for his problems as well, and if you are doing it responsibly the best you can, I don't see why you should be deprived of it, and personally, if it requires a bit of lying to give him peace of mind, then i'd do it!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
But it is your life, and personally, I would just not tell him!. Though you should be supporting him, its not fair for you to be deprived for his problems as well, and if you are doing it responsibly the best you can, I don't see why you should be deprived of it, and personally, if it requires a bit of lying to give him peace of mind, then i'd do it!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Same here!.!.!.my hubby is also a recovering alcoholic but the difference is he doesn't mind if I have a drink or two!.!.!.I totally respect his wishes and will not drink in front of him but he could careless if I had a drink with out him!!! I don't think it's right for him to demand you never ever have a drink again!.!.that's not fair!! Like I told my hubby if the roles were reversed I wouldn't tell him to never drink again!! Tell him to be a little stronger and trust you!.!.that you know how to handle your alcohol =)Www@FoodAQ@Com
I don't feel that it is right that he demands that you never drink!.
But, he needs to be in dry places with dry people!.
He may fear or be a bit envious of you that you CAN drink!.
I do not know how long he has been in recovery!. He may lighten up on you after he gets a bit of sobriety under his belt!.
A way to support him, maybe you could abstain for a year and a day yourself!.!.!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
But, he needs to be in dry places with dry people!.
He may fear or be a bit envious of you that you CAN drink!.
I do not know how long he has been in recovery!. He may lighten up on you after he gets a bit of sobriety under his belt!.
A way to support him, maybe you could abstain for a year and a day yourself!.!.!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Your husband is a recovering alcoholic and looks like he's trying hard at it!.!.!.so probably even a glass of wine in front of him tempts him again!.!.So, if possible you too don't drink or at least don't drink in front of him or don't put the bottles around where he can see them!.!.that will help him recover faster!.!.!. I think this should do it!.!.Take care!.!.Hope this helps !Www@FoodAQ@Com
It is not fair for him to demand that you never drink!. He is the one that has the problem, not you!. I admire the fact that you do not drink around him, this helps him I am sure!. However, when you are out with your friends there is nothing wrong with a glass of wine!.
Best of luckWww@FoodAQ@Com
Best of luckWww@FoodAQ@Com
its not right or wrong-this is certanly not meant as a slight on you, dont take it wrong-how much do u want your hubby to recover!? Alcoholism is a disease, an irresistable compulsion to consume alcohol!. He needs every bit of help u can give him!., whatever that helps happens to be!. Doesnt sound like fighting about you drinking alcohol is helping him!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
No He does not have that right!. He is the one with the problem, not you!. He needs to worry about himself staying sober!. You are not responsible for that!. You are responsible for you, if you don't have a problem with drinking go for it!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Don't tell him, the more supportive his environment the better chances his recovery succeeds!. If its to the point where he is investigating your luncheons than he is just looking for reasons to get back behind the bottle anyway!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
i know what he is going through!.i stopped drinking back in march and i still crave a drink!.i was drunking first thing in the morning!.i don't think that i can be around any booze yet!.i can't even watch the coors light ads on TV without wanting an ice cold beerWww@FoodAQ@Com
No its not wrong, as long as you keep it away from him you are doing your part!. He must understand that you are still your own person, you're respecting him so he has to learn to respect you!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
No! you're not the one with the problem!. That's very selfish of him, especially when you go out of your way to not rub it in his face!. I'd put my foot down here!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
no you are not doing anything wrong , you are not drinking in front of him or getting drunk!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
its all about control! he can't control himself so he tries to control you!Www@FoodAQ@Com
as long as you are not around him or coming home drunk and tempting him i don't understand the problem!. honestly, i'd have my glass and not tell him!Www@FoodAQ@Com
Wow, that sounds like really lousy "recovery" to me!. I quit drinking almost 10 years ago and except for maybe the first few months, I've never been bothered by anyone else's drinking, including my husband's!. And it sounds like you're not drinking in front of him!.!.!.you're having a drink when you're out with your girlfriends!. He's not even there! How could he be "tempted" by that!?
Anyway, I don't think you're wrong; I think your husband has to learn to live in the real world!.!.!.where people drink!. He can't change that fact by controlling you!Www@FoodAQ@Com
Anyway, I don't think you're wrong; I think your husband has to learn to live in the real world!.!.!.where people drink!. He can't change that fact by controlling you!Www@FoodAQ@Com
If you were a recovering Alcoholic would you want your husband to drink!?
I can understand the issue that you and your husband both have, however it is rather complicated and can only be resolved through speaking with your husband!.
We can only give advice to you from our stand point!. We don't know the whole story (and shouldn't know since this is a private matter between you and your husband)!. I would sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk about this!.
I hope goes well, and remember that he is your husband and you married him "for better or worse, for in sickness and in health"!. Don't let something like a glass of wine ruin your relationship!.
TALK TO HIM!!!!Www@FoodAQ@Com
I can understand the issue that you and your husband both have, however it is rather complicated and can only be resolved through speaking with your husband!.
We can only give advice to you from our stand point!. We don't know the whole story (and shouldn't know since this is a private matter between you and your husband)!. I would sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk about this!.
I hope goes well, and remember that he is your husband and you married him "for better or worse, for in sickness and in health"!. Don't let something like a glass of wine ruin your relationship!.
TALK TO HIM!!!!Www@FoodAQ@Com
It sounds like he has not been in AA for very long!.!.!.a year at most!. He is in his holier than thou stage!.!.!.!.it will pass eventually!.!.!.be patient!. In the mean time!.!.drink somewhere outside of the house!. My husband poured all of my alcohol down the drain when he started AA!. Now he is fine with wine being in the fridge and has no problem when I want to drink it!. However, this is three years after he began AA!. The first year he absolutely hated the fact that I drank!. I only drank away from him at that point and would never have brought a drop of alcohol into the house!. It will pass and if it doesn't pass, you need to go to counseling or AA with him and talk to his sponsor about it!. They do not state in AA that the spouse must quit!.!.!.they must only support!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
No but u should respect that he is a recovering alcholic!.Www@FoodAQ@Com