Do you think he drinks too much?!
My point of view is that he drinks too much (I'm talking about alcohol), because I don't drink at all!. When he comes back from work, around 5, he starts drinking beer and doesn't stop until it's bedtime and by that time he has drunk at least 4/5 cans!. On Sundays it's even worse cause he can drink up to 10 beers !! When he buys a bottle of wine, he drinks it up in a couple of hours (and then he adds 1 or 2 beers)!. He rarely has a complete alcohol free day in the week!. The point is that he doesn't look like a drunkard, but I don't wanna wait until he gets to that point!.
I am worried because I am afraid he will end up with a major health disease; besides, this litlle "habit" of his is freaking expensive and we are a little strapped on money!.
I tried to talk to him about it, but he gets mad and says I nag!.
What's your point of view !?Www@FoodAQ@Com
I am worried because I am afraid he will end up with a major health disease; besides, this litlle "habit" of his is freaking expensive and we are a little strapped on money!.
I tried to talk to him about it, but he gets mad and says I nag!.
What's your point of view !?Www@FoodAQ@Com
Answers:
I can give you some of his perspective!. I used to be in a similar situation, only I was the one drinking!. It ended up contributing to the end of our relationship!.
Unless his drinking becomes a problem for him, he isn't going to see a reason to stop!. You being "concerned" about him isn't going to make him want to stop, anymore than a guy who likes riding motorcycles is going to want to stop just because someone is concerned about him!. He needs concrete reasons and, from what you say, there are no obvious ones!.
Looking back, I could have saved my relationship if I had realized my relationsip was at stake!. I would have stopped drinking - as simple as that - if I had known what it would cost me!. But you seem to be asking what YOU can do to help the situation!. And if I think about it that way, here are some things that she could have done differently that might have affected my behavior!.
1!. Negotiate with him!. But be careful!. One of the things my wife did was to try to make deals with me that she was not prepared to keep!. She would say, for example, "I want to you stop drinking for two weeks"!. What I heard was "IIf you stop drinking for two weeks, I'll quit bugging you about it"!. So, of course, I would stop drinking for two weeks!. And then when I resumed drinking, I felt sort of betrayed when she continued to express her concerns about my drinking!. She would also try to negotiate certain rules, like "I only want you drinking on weekends and special occasions"!. So, when I accomplished that, I again felt betrayed when she would get upset about me drinking too much (or what she thought was too much) on a Saturday!. So if you try to negotiate, only ask him to change his habits if you will be able to live with the rules you negotiate!.
2!. Give him an ultimatum, in clear, no uncertain terms!. But only if you are prepared to lose him, or do substantial harm to the relationship, if he rejects the ultimatum!. If my wife had said "cut back on your drinking, or I'm leaving you", I would have cut back!. Like I said, I never realized what was at stake, and I never knew that my drinking was threatening our relationship!.
3!. Consider the possibility that he is self-medicating for depression!. I know I was, and I did not learn that I was depressed until the dmage to our relationship had been done!. When I say depression, I mean in the clinical sense - not just occasional sadness!. Does he have trouble sleeping at night (especially on nights when he doesn't drink)!? Does he seem iritable!? Does he seem to have lost interest in doing things he used to like to do!? Has he been less intimate than he used to be!? You can recognize some of the symptoms, but the most important and telling symptoms are not outward!. Does he feel hopeless or unimportant!? Does he have thoughts of suicide!? Does he have trouble concentrating on things!? Do normal, everyday tasks seem like a chore to him!? Only he can answer these questions!. So if you see any of the outwards signs of depression, ask him to to go online and take one of the depression screening questionnaires!. And if turns out he is depressed, get him help!.
I could write you a novel here about my experience with this subject!. Just e-mail me if you have questions or want to know more!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Unless his drinking becomes a problem for him, he isn't going to see a reason to stop!. You being "concerned" about him isn't going to make him want to stop, anymore than a guy who likes riding motorcycles is going to want to stop just because someone is concerned about him!. He needs concrete reasons and, from what you say, there are no obvious ones!.
Looking back, I could have saved my relationship if I had realized my relationsip was at stake!. I would have stopped drinking - as simple as that - if I had known what it would cost me!. But you seem to be asking what YOU can do to help the situation!. And if I think about it that way, here are some things that she could have done differently that might have affected my behavior!.
1!. Negotiate with him!. But be careful!. One of the things my wife did was to try to make deals with me that she was not prepared to keep!. She would say, for example, "I want to you stop drinking for two weeks"!. What I heard was "IIf you stop drinking for two weeks, I'll quit bugging you about it"!. So, of course, I would stop drinking for two weeks!. And then when I resumed drinking, I felt sort of betrayed when she continued to express her concerns about my drinking!. She would also try to negotiate certain rules, like "I only want you drinking on weekends and special occasions"!. So, when I accomplished that, I again felt betrayed when she would get upset about me drinking too much (or what she thought was too much) on a Saturday!. So if you try to negotiate, only ask him to change his habits if you will be able to live with the rules you negotiate!.
2!. Give him an ultimatum, in clear, no uncertain terms!. But only if you are prepared to lose him, or do substantial harm to the relationship, if he rejects the ultimatum!. If my wife had said "cut back on your drinking, or I'm leaving you", I would have cut back!. Like I said, I never realized what was at stake, and I never knew that my drinking was threatening our relationship!.
3!. Consider the possibility that he is self-medicating for depression!. I know I was, and I did not learn that I was depressed until the dmage to our relationship had been done!. When I say depression, I mean in the clinical sense - not just occasional sadness!. Does he have trouble sleeping at night (especially on nights when he doesn't drink)!? Does he seem iritable!? Does he seem to have lost interest in doing things he used to like to do!? Has he been less intimate than he used to be!? You can recognize some of the symptoms, but the most important and telling symptoms are not outward!. Does he feel hopeless or unimportant!? Does he have thoughts of suicide!? Does he have trouble concentrating on things!? Do normal, everyday tasks seem like a chore to him!? Only he can answer these questions!. So if you see any of the outwards signs of depression, ask him to to go online and take one of the depression screening questionnaires!. And if turns out he is depressed, get him help!.
I could write you a novel here about my experience with this subject!. Just e-mail me if you have questions or want to know more!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
He has the beginning of a problem so I would start talking to him about it!. Be nice and corious about it and just say that you are uncomfortable about him drinking so much!. That you think maybe you slow down a little bit, and then you can also bring up a thought about how much money he is spending on alcohol and thats the money you could be saving for a house or an engagment ring or a new car or anything that you is of importance to you at this point!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Well it seems he might drink to much more important he gets mad if you want to discuss his drinking!. The bigger issue is that if you are strapped for cash, why does he make drinking a priority!? Try to discuss with him again, take the "I am scared because of the media hype about health related issues and alcohol!." When you focus on how you feel and not "when you drink" --- I feel he might be more open to a discussion!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
First step would be to speak to him about how you feel about his alcohol intake!. Tell him that you want him to drink less, because you love him!. Keep it to the fact that this is all for the point that you love him!.
Next, you can start removing alcohol from the house, even though it will make him upset!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
Next, you can start removing alcohol from the house, even though it will make him upset!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
If you don't drink and he does your relationship probably isn't going to work!. Start drinking or leave/make him leave!. If you nag him about it you'll just make it worse!.Www@FoodAQ@Com
YES
and just what does a drunkard look like!?Www@FoodAQ@Com
and just what does a drunkard look like!?Www@FoodAQ@Com
yeah i think he has a problem, but trying to convince someone of that is very diffucult!. I know someone who is kind of like that!.!.!. shes a totally different person when she drinks and I tell her it hurts me to see her be someone else and that I want her to stop because its bad for her and its hurting me but she tells me "she gives up enough for me, so she's not giving that up for me!." Its really tough!.!.i just try to avoid her when shes like that!. I don't want to talk to her or see her, and its really hard and stresses me out alot!.Www@FoodAQ@Com