Rubbing alcohol? Help?!

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No, it's not safe. You're probably OK from a teeny spoonful but drink more and you'll have bad cramping you'll be really sick. They add sickening chemicals just so it will do that.
Listerine too, so no mouthwash cocktails for you!
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Yes , but it is like you said 100% pure...so this is not 80 PROOF..which is only 40% alcohol so that bottle is over 2x the strength as what is iin that bottle od whiskey....tread lightly...very little goes a very long way and it can become unhealthy real quick......... like alcohol pisoning
1/2 shot would be more than one full pony shot, which is 1.5 oz ( regular shot in USA is only 1 oz.)

No it is not safe. If you are feeling ok now after about two hours then consider a glass of water or juice to be nice to your liver. Your liver also loves beetroot.

I drank a teeny tiny bit of rubbing alcohol.. Like not even a spoonful. On the bottle it says 100% ethyl alcohol. Does that mean it's safe?

no bueno. not safe. if you wanna do something stupid, chug a bottle of nyquil.