How can one successfully become a full-fledged alcoholic without having to purchase alcohol?!
Answers:
Every fair sized city has at least one hotel that caters to wedding receptions. Typically these will have from 4 to 8 wedding receptions going at once with a common hallway shared by all. Put on your nicest suit and rotate amongst the open bars.
Once you learn the schedules of these establishments you can plan your weekly drinking itinerary and work in jobs and wives and other nuisances on the down times.
Shake hands and introduce yourself to attendees in line, and pretend you care while listening to their connection to the bride. If pressed, admit to being a coworker or cousin but be vague about whose coworker or cousin. The best way to avoid detection is to memorize the name of one attendee, and try to lure them onstage during your karaoke solo by loudly calling out for them by name to join you.
DO NOT jeopardize the booze by trying to score a plate of the chicken kiev.Of course snagging unguarded servings of cake is always allowed.
Do not be a total mooch. Bring some dollar bills to do the bridal dance. When you are sloppy drunk the money is well spent to lay your head upon the ivory laced bossoms of four or eight brides a night, until relatives pry you away. Be sure to tearfully tell them you love them and hope they will be happy as you leave. Tip jars are a good source of bills for this, if you are broke. Hold a seed dollar in your hand, dip your hand into the tip jar and come out with several. Immediately pocket the loot.
Good luck!
I would first concentrate on being born to an alcoholic mother and father. That's a good start.
Be like me - I drank for 22 years but have bought any alcohol since last May.
Mooching off of other people's booze. Going to parties and other peoples houses.
parties. lots of them.
Rob a liquor store.
Experts claim its genetic. so you re bone with it