How to not get caught with smoking or drinking?!

You can cover up the alcohol smell with a number of different foods (if its THAT strong of a smell, just eat something spicy- hot wings- or something with a lot of garlic/onion/peppers). Just don't get blitzed and expect them not to notice. The smoking is harder because, as someone mentioned below, it permeates everything you have contact with (clothes, hair, skin, breath) and even though you can't smell it after smoking, someone who hasn't been smoking can (i.e. your parents). They do, however, sell inexpensive air-freshener that eliminates the smell of smoke. Its usually used for rooms of course but I've found it works pretty decent when you lightly spray yourself. and don't forget to wash your hands very well (depending on how you were smoking what...) and use some breath spray/gum because its a dead give away when you smell like nice, fruity citrus but your hands and breath reek of smoke. good luck! and for everyone else, yes it is not good to smoke or drink, I agree, but that's not what the question asked. just do it in moderation.

experience.

Don't do it.

Unless you can take a shower and brush your teeth first before you might see them.

The smoke permeates your hair and clothes and you might not smell it, but someone who doesn't smoke can. Also alcohol stays on your breath a good long while.

Just try to not do it when they are home. And brush your teeth after drink and put some body spray when your done smoking.

You won't get caught if you don't smoke or drink.

My brain

don't do it.

Don't do it. Problem solved.