Alcohol addiction what do you think?!
Alcohol addiction what do you think?
I have a fiancee who drinks a lot and likes clubbing. He was married and divorced with 3 grown children. I scarred to marry him because of his addiction to alcohol. He can drink 4 bottles of heineken beer or guiness at a sitting and some shots of hot drink. This is an everyday drink. He prefers alcohol to water so he must taste alcohol everyday and must drink it before he goes to bed. While with a bottle of beer or glass of hot drink in his hand he falls asleep at night snoring. I considering not marrying him because of this. I have made several attempts counseling him on the the effect of alcohol but he refused to stop. Please advice me.
Answers:
Cold showers usually work, but not the kind with water. The addiction has taken his life purpose from him and you can not salvage any for your needs. The alcohol is the other woman, the other everything. he is in bondage and he must come through it asking for the only one who can save him. many men and women have their hearts shredded because they come face to face with that bondage and the love you have for him will only cost you both your lives. you will fail and both die in pain. The only way to help him is to pray for his salvation from bondage and offer him the love you both so desperately need and understand; There is no greater power than the Love of God.
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Me;
Sorry to be hard on you but whatever needs you have seem to have overcome your ability to reason. Most women I know would have run from this situation a long time ago .
It sounds like a guilty conscience to me. Or depression. It's really hard to help someone who doesn't acknowledge they have a problem.
You could ask him to start taking Vitamin B's. It sounds silly but it really helps with addictions. And also with as much drinking as he is doing he is also depleating his natural occuring Vit B's which just makes it worse.
Okay you get an at-a-girl for seeing the RED FLAGS!!! I married and addict and did not see them till later!! Look at it this way your life will only get worse!!! I hate to put a damper on your plans because addicts are the best people you would ever have known "SOMETIMES!" the rest of the time the are just addicts doing what the do and it NEVER stops!!! Sorry to say it but if that is what you want go for it. I know that some addicts stop but always restart. If you want to be in counceling with other people the rest of your life go for it. If not RUN!!! Just ask his X-Wife she is an X ofr a reason and most likley she will tell you the same!
I was married to an alcoholic man for five years. While that was not the only reason I eventually divorced him, it certainly didn't help. Alcohol affects everyone a bit differently, so if he doesn't behave very badly when drinking, I personally wouldn't consider it to be as bad as someone who has a temper, gets angry, doesn't come home, treats you badly, etc. when they're drinking. I've known many alcoholics, and in my opinion if he's for the most part respectful towards you and the worst he does is fall asleep in his chair, that's really not all that bad. However, you should listen to your instincts in this matter. If you really, deep inside, have issues with his drinking and your little voice tells you to hold back, listen to it. I wish I had listened to that little voice and I didn't. If his drinking is a stumbling block in your relationship now, it won't get any easier with marriage unless he is willing to deal with it. You really cannot convince a drunk to change their ways. They have to want to on their own. I found that the more I nagged my ex husband about drinking, the less good it did. He had to do some pretty serious, stupid things (like crashing a brand new Jeep) to finally decide to try (unsuccessfully) to cut back.
The only advice I can give you other than that is to show him how his drinking impacts you and other family members. If he truly cares about you all he will at least listen and acknowledge what you're saying. Try to have a non-accusatory, open disussion. When you talk to him, use "I" statements, not "you" statements. "You" statements make people go on the defense and close up. However, if you say things like "I think... I see... I feel..." etc. people are more likely to actively contribute to the communication.
Whatver you do, you should listen to your instincts above everything. They are there for a reason, to protect you and keep you on a path that is best for you. You only have one life, and if this fellow of yours truly wont deal with his drinking and you cannot live with that, then you might want to consider he may not be the one you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. There are plenty of people in this world to choose from, and you shouldn't waste your time with someone who is not truly worth it. A wise person once told me, "True love is not two people staring into eachother's eyes, it is two people looking in the same direction."
Good luck. I hope this helps.
honey
OK you see the problem you know in your head what
you have to do , you know he can't keep a marriage for 1 cause of his past marriages , for 2 he goes clubbing if he was serious about you he would at least take you with him what do you think that he goes to the club for women duh.....
Trust me he won't change after you marry him.