I have the flu ick. What good hot toddy recipes without just the 3 basics do you use?!
I have the flu ick. What good hot toddy recipes without just the 3 basics do you use?
Also I'd LOVE a few jokes or anything funny to just waste the time since I can't sleep.
Answers: This is the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the computer right now. Please type in your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.
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Coming home late!?
While leaving a poker party that lasted much longer than it was supposed to, as usual, two friends compared notes.
"I can never fool my wife," the first complained. "I turn off the car engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone."
"You’ve got the wrong technique, my friend," his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on my wife’s ***, and ask, 'How ’bout a little?' and she pretends to be asleep."
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HOT TODDY
1 tbsp. Honey
3/4 glass Tea
2 shots Brandy
1 slice Lemon
Brew tea and fill tall glass 3/4 full. Mix in honey. Mix in Brandy shots. Add lemon slice and enjoy.
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STARKLE STARKLE LITTLE TWINK
Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell you are I think,
I'm not under what they call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee martoonis make a guy
Fool so feelish, don't know why
Rally don't know who's me yet
The drunker I stay the longer I get
So just one more to full my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up.
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[I actually saw this on yahooanswers--funny part was that it was in food and drinks category]
Subject: CABLE INSTALLATION
A girl on YahooAnswers asks: "HOW SHOULD I GREET THE CABLE GUY AT THE DOOR?"
She received this reply:
We at the North American Cable Installers Assoc. can offer the following suggestions.
A simple "Hello" is more than acceptable. Our men work
very hard to satisfy our customers. And are very
appreciative of a polite and heartfelt welcome.
However it must be said. That if you want free HBO, a "service tip" goes a long way. Polishing his tool (s) is the general going rate.
If you want all of the premium channels, the "tip" is very negotiable. As you are no doubt aware, there are many ways to polish his "tool".
The normal "service" time needed to install all of the premium channels is about an hour and a half. So, you can let that be your guide.
Happy watching!
[He was awarded Best Answer.]
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Another one from yahoo
Emergency Please?
A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kindof story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions wereperfect...12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over...the tell-me-when-we're-having-fun kind of day.One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was indire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of apowder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course,and the pain did not go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you knowthat a temperature of 12 below, doesn't help matters. So, with time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that, since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off into the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her.The white will provide more than adequate camouflage.
So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you knowthere is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move.Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way.Steep slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward,
out-of-control, racing through the trees... somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued back-wards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants.At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show,
then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital.
While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked,making small talk."It was the darndest thing you ever saw", he said. "I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better lookand fell out of the lift."
"So, how'd you break your arm?"
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Sorry. I am no good with jokes, but I hope the Hot Toddy helps. chicken soup is the old cure whiskey, hot water, and lemon.
What did the farmer say when he saw his cow go over the hill?
There goes my cow over the hill!
Get well. Make a tea with hot water, squeeze whole lemon and add honey, lots of it. If you are of age, add tequila and it will help ur throat ALOT. Hot water, lots of lemon, honey or sugar and whiskey. I sometimes make it with a thumb sized piece of fresh ginger boiled in the water until it's boiled down strong-it helps a sore throat.
You can use rum or vodka if you prefer it. Hot Tennessee Toddy
1.5 oz. Jack Daniels No. 7 Whiskey
1 Tablespoon honey
.5 oz. fresh lemon juice
Cinnamon stick
Pour whiskey into a coffee mug, then add the honey, the lemon juice, and the cinnamon stick. Fill remainder of mug with six oz. of hot water, stir, and enjoy.
Delicious... if that doesn't make you feel better, I don't know what will! :) Some people make them with Coffee and Little brandy Warm..
Some like Bailey's with Cinnamon stick and mint in them..
Some like a shot of scotch whiskey, and seltzer and lime ..
Take your pick, i had the coffee and brandy before i went bed the next day i felt better not a100% but, betters for work that is.. Have some rum or whiskey in your honey & lemon tea.
Here's some fun stuff:
Subject: Great Football Quotes
"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't have any."
Erk Russell / Georgia Southern.
"Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas."
Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the1969 game.
"After you retire, there's only one big event left....and I ain't ready for that."
Bobby Bowden / Florida State
"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas
"When you win, nothing hurts."
Joe Namath / Alabama
"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas
"If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, "Roll, tide, roll!"
Bear Bryant / Alabama
"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
Woody Hayes / Ohio State
"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."
Bob Devaney / Nebraska
"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
Wally Butts / Georgia
"You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life."
Paul Dietzel / LSU
"It's kind of hard to rally around a math class."
Bear Bryant / Alabama
"No, but you can see it from here."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas ...When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world.
"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game."
Bear Bryant / Alabama
"There's one sure way to stop us from scoring--give us the ball near the goal line."
Matty Bell / SMU
"Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died."
Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's."
Alex Karras / Iowa
"My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor."
Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades."
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
"Always remember..... Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David."
Shug Jordan / Auburn
"They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces."
Darrell Royal / Texas
"Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"They whipped us like a tied-up goat."
Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: "Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good."
Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State
"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
Bobby Bowden / Florida State
"Football is not a contact sport-it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport."
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post game message to his team: "All those who need showers, take them."
John McKay / USC
"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education."
Murray Warmath / Minnesota
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon."
Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches."
Darrell Royal / Texas
"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
John McKay / USC
"Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad."
Darrell Royal / University of Texas
"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football."
John Heisman Scrumpy cider (a pint), a slpash of gin, some honey, and some fresh grated ginger (or powder), heat up to almost boiling, wolf it down and go to bed and sweat until the colds gone away. Works wonders!